Christmas time is here!

I can't believe its only 2 days until Christmas! The last few months have flown by. Every year, time passes by more quickly it seems. I am absolutely loving Christmas this year though. Bug is really having fun with the tree, decorations, and lights. We have to have the tree on whenever we're home, he's quite insistent! Luckily he doesn't bother the tree much, just seems to like to look at it. I should bite my tongue...he'll probably be all over it now. Isn't that the way kids always work?? We had Christmas with my in-laws on Sunday and he was a pro at opening gifts. They spoiled him, as grandparents do, but at least they more or less honored our request of not too many "big" things...our house is rather small. He got one big thing, a workbench which I'm sure he'll love. Right now its still in the box in the basement. It can come out after the tree comes down. I'm starting to resign myself to the fact that for the next few years our living room and dining room both will likely look like one big playroom. Tomorrow we'll be baking some more cookies, I've only had the chance to make two different kinds so far. Bug has helped with both though, he was the head sprinkler for the last batch and he LOVED that job! You could barely see some of the cookies for all the sprinkles, but he sure had fun. And get this...not only did he not want to try any of the cookies after they were done...he snacked on frozen peas (yes, frozen peas...its one of the only veggies I can get him to eat right now!) while we baked the cookies. I figure this is probably the last time that will happen! Meanwhile, his sweet-toothed Momma was popping cookies in my mouth as they came out of the oven... Um, the babies were hungry. Yeah, that's it.

150 dry cows are arriving today...so much for having my hubby around. It has been wonderful while it lasted though! He's been a huge help with the Bug and just around the house in general. We'll be out of the heifer-raising/dry cow-feeding business come April. The dairy we raise them for was milking at two separate farms and has decided to shut one down due to labor issues, and will use that farm to raise the heifers. Ok with us, as the owners were becoming more and more difficult to work with and since they are in their late 50s, early 60s, we knew they'd retire at some point anyway. Knowing that we won't be under contract to keep any animals...I have to say, its been tempting to leave our barns empty and exclusively be grain farmers. Think of all the extra TIME!! Realistically, we'll probably always have some type of livestock though. Just not sure exactly what animals will inhabit our barns next...probably some sort of cattle.

We've been doing home improvement projects too! Told you it was nice to have hubby around the house! Last week we pulled up the carpet in the dining room and half of the living room (halfway through the crop insurance guy showed up and hubby hasn't had a chance to get back to it...so for now we have "the old living room" and "the new living room" ha!). The plan had been to pull the carpet up in the dining room by the time the twins were ready for solids. We can't fit 5 people at the table in the kitchen, and carpet where 3 kids eat? Not a good idea. We were just hoping the hardwood that we knew was under said carpet was nice. WOW! Its gorgeous! It almost looks like the previous owners refinished the floors right before installing the carpet. Why? Who knows, but I'd like to thank them for it! It looked so nice, and the old carpet looked so bad...that Hubby decided to scrap our plan of waiting until the kids were bigger to get new carpet in the living room and just started pulling that carpet up too. The plan now is to put some good padding and a nice big carpet remnant down in the living room (same thing we did in the Bug's room and it looks really nice). On top of that, my parents got us a new front door and a new side/kitchen door for Christmas, so Hubby and my dad (not a good home improvement duo, by the way!!) installed those on Monday. I love them and that combined with the "new" floors makes it look like a whole new house!

We'll have Christmas Day all to ourselves for the first time ever this year, since we did the in-law's Christmas last weekend and we're going to my family's Christmas on Sunday. I'm excited to have a calm, relaxing Christmas Day with just my little family. Oh yeah, and the 200+ cows outside...oh well. At least we don't have to go anywhere other than church! And did I mention we're getting a truly white Christmas for I think the first time since I've lived down here?? That makes this snow-belt girl happy!

I'm going to enjoy my favorite holiday of the year and I'm sure I won't be back on here until sometime next week, so I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

Is this thing on?

Hello? Anybody still out there? Or have you all given up on me? I couldn't blame you if you had!

I'm still around though! I've been trying to catch up with my bloggie friends lately...slowly but surely. Nothing exciting going on, just life, you know. Harvest is done and it gets dark at about 5:30, which is a combination I love because it means I get my husband back in the evenings! He's been so helpful lately, playing with Bug while I make dinner, helping with baths, dishes, picking up toys, etc. This past weekend, he even was able to spend the majority of the weekend with us, which is a very rare thing anymore. It was so fun to have him around! I could definitely get used to this. I better not though, because in about a week or so we'll get an extra 200 or so head of cattle for him to be taking care of. The good thing is, he should still be home in the evenings...just not as much on weekends. Well, he'll be "home" as in...on our farm...but not in the house where we are. We can get bundled up and go out and "help" for a little while but with temps barely reaching 20 degrees lately, I don't think that's the best idea.

I'm feeling great. A little heartburn here and there, a little sciatic nerve pain now and then, but all in all I really can't complain. I'm 25 weeks already...scratch that...26 weeks tomorrow. Amazes me how fast this pregnancy is going. Babies are busy little bees in there! Always wiggling around. I'm always wondering what on earth they're doing. Both are head up now. Baby Boy always has been and Baby Girl decided to join him that way. I guess she wanted to be able to talk to her brother instead of just kicking him in the head like she had been doing. I'm not worrying about their positions too much. If they don't flip back, well, I guess my decision on how to try to deliver is pretty much made for me. If one or both flip, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. No sense in worrying about things I can't control.

Christmas is just over a week away! And believe it or not, I'm just about ready. This is the most organized I've ever been for Christmas, its great! We finished all our shopping about a week and a half ago, cut our tree on Sunday and put it up last night. Bug loved getting all the ornaments out of the box. He only had interest in hanging the first couple ornaments. After that all he wanted to do was unload the box. Not surprising. But he did put the angel on top, with help from Daddy! I have more than half the presents wrapped, and we made cookies as a family last weekend. I'm hoping to make more this weekend. This Christmas has been the most fun Christmas for me since I was a kid myself. I've always looked forward to Christmases with my own kids, and this seems to be one of the few things that I've looked forward to for so long and is actually living up to the picture I have in my mind. Usually I build something up so much in my head, that its nearly impossible for the actual event to live up to my hype. But Christmas with kids? It really is as great as I imagined! And to think, this is only the beginning!! Its going to be more and more fun every year!

I have a million other things that have popped into my head over the last few weeks that I've been meaning to blog about. But if I try to fit them all into this post, I'll never finish it and that will just contribute to my blog slacking. So this will do for now! Hope everyone, where ever you all are, is staying warm! High of 19 today...low of 8 tonight. Brrrrrrr, and its only mid-December too!

One of each!

First of all, thank you all for your sweet words and thoughts. And for understanding. Reading your comments, your prayers, make me feel a lot better just to know that others are thinking of and praying for my babies. And while I know that all we can do is follow the doctors' instructions and hope and pray that all turns out well, it makes me feel better for someone else to acknowledge that yes, its OKAY that I have these fears, I'm not just being overly paranoid and Jess-what you said about not having to believe it'll be okay for it to BE okay...just what I needed to hear. So really..Thank you all.

On to the news!! We have confirmation...one little boy and one little girl! I am so excited! Another little boy...a little brother for my Bug to have adventures with, for me to get out all his cute little clothes that I so carefully boxed up in the hopes of using again...and a little sister for him to "protect", for me to do the few "girly" things that I like to do with, and to put in all those precious little girl clothes I always see on that mysterious "other side" of baby stores! My family, who has 7 grandsons and zero granddaughters, is in shock that there can possibly be a baby girl. Both my mom and my sister had the same reactions when I told them...the conversations basically went like this: Them: So did you find out what they are? Me: Yep...what do you think they are? Them: Two boys of course. Me: You're half right. Them (in complete disbelief): What? There's a girl????
It was really pretty hilarious. My sister went on to say "But, we won't know what to do with a girl!!!" I told her that she can just play with her brothers' tractors at first and we'll figure out the girly stuff as we go along :)

Most importantly...both babies look perfectly healthy, thank God. Baby boy (previously known as Baby A) is still breech and Baby girl (Baby B) is head down...so she was happily kicking her brother in the head during the ultrasound. I'm sure there is plenty of that to come in the years ahead! For now, he didn't seem to mind. One of them has found a new fun game of "dance on Mommy's bladder". Oh boy, that's a fun time. They're getting more and more active for sure! And bigger! I feel like I've really popped out over the last week or so. I hadn't felt like I was that much bigger than I was at the same point in my pregnancy with Bug until just recently. But the doctors are happy with my weight gain and the size of the babies, so we're good! I have a feeling I will get to experience that "miserable" part of pregnancy this time around, even if I go early again!

Baby Girl's pink shoes came the same day that we found out for sure that it is one boy and one girl. Perfect timing. They're precious. And so very...pink. But we had to put them away because Bug, who just LOVES shoes, wanted to wear them until I pulled out the pair that was actually for him. Which he now wants to wear every evening around the house, and had a meltdown about me taking the shoes off of him so that he could take a bath the first night.

This weekend Bug and I are going to stay inside and keep warm (highs in the 40s, lows in the 20s, brrrr). And Saturday night we'll head over to the neighbors, aka Kelly's brother's house, for Bug's cousin C's 1st birthday party. Up until about a month ago Bug and C went to the same sitter, so they saw each other every day. I'm sure they're going to have lots of fun playing together again!

Happy Friday all!

Random Deep Thoughts for a Monday

Remember when I first found out we were having twins? And I was terrified? And I honestly thought for a while "Why me?" I've done a complete 180. I now find it completely normal to be having twins. As in, I can't fathom the idea of having only one baby the second time around. Pregnant a second time? Why of course you'd have twins, what else is there?? Every once in a while I'll still look at a family with say, a toddler and then one single baby and think, "hmm, I wonder what that would be like?" but there's no envy like there was before, there's no, "why do they get to have one at a time and I get two?" Instead its more like "Oh how great that they have a new baby, and I get TWO of those in one shot, even better!" This morning as we were getting ready in our itty bitty kitchen, I watched my Bug running around in his footed pjs, chasing after Daddy, getting underfoot, "helping" get things out of the fridge and I thought to myself how I can't wait until we have three little ones to maneuver around in our itty bitty kitchen. I find it interesting how quickly my mindset changed and how quickly these two, who aren't even close to being here yet, wiggled their way into my heart and into my mental picture of my family. I used to pray every night for God to watch over all 3 of us. My prayers now are for all 5 of us, without hesitation.

The downside of that? I'm terrified. No, not terrified of having two newborns to deal with (though if I'm honest, I still have panicky moments about that, I won't lie!) Instead, I am terrified of losing them. One of them, both of them. I remember being nervous when I was pregnant with my Bug. I had a previous miscarriage at 7 weeks and of course I also knew of so many things that could go wrong later in a pregnancy. But I eventually got to a point where I felt confident and for the most part trusted that yes, I would take a healthy baby home with me when it was all said and done. To be fair, I didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant until I was well past the first trimester and I don't think I bought a single thing until after the 20 week ultrasound. So I guess the fact that I'm not even 20 weeks along at this point and am still nervous isn't all that strange in that light. But I feel a lot more nervous about these two than I remember being the last time. I pray to God that it doesn't "mean anything"...that its just me being my normal paranoid self. But then I remember my friend from college who had twins very very early...I can't remember exactly, but I want to say she was about 27 weeks. Their little boy lived, their little girl died, and they are extremely lucky that their son survived. And I remember another friend's sister, whose water broke unexpectedly, right after her 20 week ultrasound which had shown two perfectly healthy babies, a boy and a girl. Obviously she lost them both. I mean, these are real people, you guys! Not just people I read about online or heard about on the news. People I know. That scares me. And yes, my sister's twin boys are 8 years old, perfectly healthy and only arrived 5 weeks early and only had maybe a week of NICU time. And yes, I hear about twins all the time who are perfectly healthy and fine. But there's certainly no guarantee. Yes, I know, there's no guarantee for anything in life. Even for one baby. It just seems that the risks are so much higher when there's two. I'm extremely grateful though, that my doctors are treating me as high risk. Even when I tell my friend who just had her second full term baby that I will be really really excited if these babies stay in until March at all, when they're due March 23rd...and she responds with "Really? You think they'd come that early??" in total disbelief...(Um, hi, March 1st would be 37 weeks...have I introduced you to my 35 weeker who was a singleton pregnancy??) Even when my other friend who is also pregnant with twins and due only a few days before me, finds it strange that I'm seeing a peri in addition to my regular OB and that I am having so many extra ultrasounds, because she is being treated like a completely routine pregnancy. She gets two ultrasounds, no more, sees her regular OB, no one else, hasn't been told to make any changes to her routine and is back to exercising regularly. Sometimes I wonder if I, or my doctors, are overreacting to this pregnancy. But I am certain of this much...if the extra monitoring, the extra resting, the weekly injections..if any of it, helps my babies get here healthy and close to term, it will be worth it. And if I didn't do it all, and something happened? I could never forgive myself. Of course I have to remind myself of that when my little boy is begging Mommy to pick him up and carry him...or when I decide I have to get a dozen different things done in a weekend by myself.

I just don't know. Maybe, hopefully, I'm just being overly paranoid. I wish I could just let go and relax and feel certain that I'll bring home two healthy babies in March. I wish I could be comfortable buying them things without the thought crossing my mind of "What if I buy this, and something happens to one or both of them, and then I have to look at these "twin things" in my house??" I hate that thought process. So far I've bought two things. I bought a second toddler robe in addition to the one that the Bug is getting for Christmas (they were on major sale!), so that the twins won't fight over the one when it is passed down to them. And I bought a girlie pair of shoes. They were on sale, and I was already buying a boy pair and I could save on shipping too if I bought them both! Kelly's response? "Counting our chickens before we hatch, are we?" Which he meant as "What if one of them isn't actually a girl like we think it is, then what will you do with girl shoes??" but I took as "Its too early to buy things for them because what if they don't make it." Ugh. By the way, he felt really, really bad when I told them that was how I took his comment because he really didn't mean it that way at all. When will I get over this? Probably not until they're born. I'm hoping once I make it to at least 30 weeks or so I will start to relax. Sorry for all the paranoia, freaking out thoughts here...but I can't seem to be able to talk to anybody about this. I always get "Oh, they'll be fine" in a tone of voice that is so obviously blowing me off and thinking I'm slightly psycho for even worrying about it. I can't talk to Kelly about it because he worries too and his way of dealing with that worry is to not think about the possible bad things. He gets really upset when I mention things that could go wrong, and the last thing I want to do is upset him and cause more stress for him.

Those are my way too deep thoughts for a Monday. If you made it this far, I'm impressed, and thanks for "listening" to my rants. I'll reward you with a more upbeat post this week, promise. :)

By the way, Wednesday morning is the "big" ultrasound. YAY!

Things to remember

As I was cuddling my little boy last night before bed, his warm little body nestled in my arms, his blonde little head resting on my shoulder, and I listened to the steady breathing of a little boy who's just fallen asleep in his most favorite place in the world...the safety and comfort of his momma's arms...I told myself to take a mental snapshot of this moment. This most perfect moment. This moment that years from now, when he's all grown up and I'm lucky to get a quick hug as he's running out the door, I'll long for and wish I could re-live. Don't you just wish there was a way to bottle these moments up?? Like earlier last night when I peeked out of the kitchen to see my husband lying on the floor, reading a book to our son...who was sitting there just completely enthralled with his Daddy's story. Heart...melt. Or when I was making dinner and all I could hear was a cascade of non-stop toddler giggles as my two favorite guys in the world played in the next room. These are the moments life is made of. These are the moments that I want to remember, always.

I guess that makes THAT decision

Lately it seems I don't make my own big decisions anymore. Which is probably an okay thing, considering I'm one of the most indecisive people I know. A couple of months ago, I was thinking about if we should have 2 kids or 3. God intervened and said, "Not for you to decide, you're having 3." Okay, then. Since then, we've been trying to decide whether or not I should stay home after the babies arrive. We were leaning towards yes, but it was still a little uncertain and indecisive me, was really just afraid to make a final decision. Well, today God intervened and said "Yes, you're staying home." At least for a while. My company is actually a division of a larger company located in another state. They announced today that our division would be moving to company headquarters, which is halfway across the country. Needless to say, everyone here is going to be out of a job. The only "sticky" part for me is that I carry our insurance. And as everyone knows, insurance during a pregnancy? Very important! And also something you can't really just change halfway through. So my most important thing is keeping my insurance until after these babies are born and preferably after any potential NICU time if that is a necessary thing. My official "end date" is still undecided, but thankfully I'll get 3 months severance and my insurance for those 3 months following the end date will be covered. If the babies come prior to the "end date" or if my doctor says I need to stop working, I'll go on short term disability/FMLA just as I would have otherwise, until the end date and then my severance package will kick in. So, we should be okay. It might even end up being a pretty decent deal for us. So I'm feeling pretty good about everything. There's a few unknowns yet, but that's life, right? What I feel badly about is all my co-workers. Lucky for me, I'm in a situation where I can deal with losing my income, its something we were probably going to do anyway. But most everyone else is not. They depend on their jobs, their incomes, and finding a new job is not going to be easy for most of them. The vast majority don't have college degrees, and the job market is slim in our area. Its going to be really tough on them. I've already heard talk of people going without insurance, and going without things like necessary medications. I feel bad for them, and there's nothing I can do or say to help. I just hope things work out for them all.

I have a secret...I think.

Here's the non-secret part: both babies look great! Growing just as they should, looking healthy. Yay! Baby A's heartbeat is 148 and Baby B's is 140. Interesting tidbits...Baby A has an anterior placenta, which my Baby Bug had too. This is why the Bug's movements always felt so gentle to me, because they were sort of 'cushioned'. This is also why I don't feel as much movement from Baby A (who is on my right side) as I do from Baby B (on the left). That is reassuring because I had been slightly concerned over the fact that I felt one baby so much less than the other. Baby A is also breech, but come on, does that really matter this early in the game? Pretty sure not. Basically Baby A is our little troublemaker...which I have said before as he/she was upside down and not letting the tech get good pictures at our last ultrasound. Then today as the tech was trying to get a picture of Baby B, Baby A was over there trying to push his/her way into the picture. Baby B meanwhile, had an arm over his/her face as if to say "No pictures, please!" Hmmm...can they have personalities already this early in the game?? Also, my weight gain is perfect. Which is reassuring since I've had a lot of comments on my size already and I was starting to get self-conscious. Oh boy, I think its going to be a long 5 months with these comments starting already....but now I can tell people that my doctor says I'm right on track :)

So the maybe secret part...I should have just made the hubby go to with me this morning. But you know boys...unless you remind them a million times beforehand, they apparently can't remember things like appointments. What's that, you say? I should have marked it on the calendar? Oh but I did! But apparently we only look at the calendar for "farm" things....who knows. Anyway, since I didn't remind him until after he'd come in the house and taken a shower last night, he hadn't given the heifers enough feed to get through until mid-morning...they would be out of hay (and turns out they actually were out of hay when he got out there to feed them, so he was right on that) and my appointment was at 8 am. Not knowing for sure if we'd be able to find out what the babies are today, and not wanting him to end up wasting his morning at the doctor's office (which he says now he wouldn't have minded..hmm...funny how he didn't say that last night when we were debating on if he should go or not)...I said okay, fine, just come to the big scan in 3 weeks where we'll find out for sure. So...typical of me...I went by myself, not happy about it, but figuring if I had dragged him along we wouldn't have been able to find out anyway and then we'd have hungry heifers at home (who our luck, probably would have broken out in the meantime too) for no reason. The tech asks me in the room if I want to know, and I say "Well, I do, but not today because I want my husband to be here when we find out. Even though its killing me to not just find out today!!" She seemed impressed that I was willing to wait anyway... The other tech in the room was asking me about my sister's twins and I said something about my family having all boys. To which the doctor said, "oh, I bet you'd like a girl then!" I replied that if I was being honest, yes I'd kind of like one to be a girl. He said, "Maybe they both will be!" I said, "I don't know about that, because to someone who's used to all boys, the idea of 2 girls is a little overwhelming!" And there was no more talk of gender during the ultrasound...the tech very carefully referred to each baby as "little one" instead of he or she. Move on to meeting with the doctor afterwards....he walks in and says....."So, there's one of each!" Me: "There is?!" Doctor: "Oh, I thought you wanted to know??" Me: "Well, I did but not until my husband was here and he had to work today." Doctor: "Oh, well then, I didn't say anything!" :) Sooooo.....while I'm not sure how the doctor knew...considering he wasn't even looking at the screen during the ultrasound and I'm really not sure if the tech scanned over the right areas or not, my guess is maybe she did and then he looked at the whole u/s after I left the room? Can they do that? Sort of replay them? I'm really not sure. So until I see with my own eyes and get confirmation, I'm thinking its PROBABLY a boy and a girl...but I'm not betting on it (I will admit that I'm hoping that's what it is because if I could choose, that's what I wanted anyway!) So...SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Don't tell anyone but I think that's what we're having. :) Hubby called right after I got out of the appointment and I told him what the doctor said...but we're keeping that "possible news" hush hush until our big ultrasound where we can be positive about it. And yes, when my mom called this afternoon I lied to her and told her we couldn't find out yet. Oh man, what kind of daughter am I?! But I'd hate for people to rush out and buy a bunch of pink stuff (which they would...this is the first potential girl in a family with 7 grandsons already, what do YOU think they'd do???) and then have it turn out to be wrong. So we don't know anything...and remember YOU don't know anything either (I hope I'm right that nobody in "real life" has discovered this blog...hmmm) so especially to my facebook friends, remember...SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...its our little secret. You know, just between me and the interwebs, right?? hahaha!!

1 down, 18 to go

Had my first progesterone shot today in my efforts to keep these babies IN as long as possible. We were supposed to start them at 16 weeks but by the time we got scheduling figure out, it was today at 17 weeks. Close enough. Aside from the fact that its going to cost us $33 per shot, its not bad...and yes, that's after insurance covers 80% of it. Ha, I love the fact that my doctor told me "Even if insurance doesn't cover it, they're really not very expensive." Reminds me how clueless doctors can be about things like that. Hmmm, call me crazy but if insurance wasn't covering that other 80% and I had to pay $168 every week for 20 weeks..lets see, that adds up to over $3000. Um. Apparently she has a very different idea of "expensive" than I do. Thankful that my insurance covers a portion of it at least. But, we decided to go with the shots and hopefully they help. I think my hubby is still a bit skeptical...but I know I'd be kicking myself if I didn't do them and then these babies came way too early. Now, if they come way too early anyway? Well, lets just hope that doesn't happen. So its really not a bad deal though, a nurse comes out weekly to give me each injection. Since I work all day, she comes to my office (I'm glad I have a door!), gives me the shot, uses a doppler to listen to the babies' heartbeats (Bonus!! Today they were 140 and 150) and that's pretty much it. The shot's not too bad...I guess the liquid is really thick so she has to give it really slowly, which is not the most fun since it burns going in but I can deal with that. And what a small world, she went to Ohio State, was an Ag major and graduated a year after I did...you don't find that very often. She looks vaguely familiar...I should ask her what her maiden name is to figure out if I did know who she was in school. The Ag Campus is not very big, most people at least knew of each other if you didn't know everyone personally. Her husband is a farmer in an area even less conducive to grain farming than we live in too...so we appear to have a lot in common. Always nice to talk to someone who "gets it" :) Sooo...1 shot down, 18 more to go. I sure hope I get 18 more anyway, because that will mean I've made it to at least 36 weeks!!!!

Tomorrow we have an ultrasound. I'm 17 weeks and its just a routine monthly u/s with the peri but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that the tech is willing and able to tell us what these little ones are! If she can't or won't tell, we'll just have to wait the extra 3 weeks until the big anatomy scan. I guess I can wait 3 more weeks...if I have to. Its funny that I'm so very impatient with finding out genders this time around considering we didn't find out with Baby Bug and if this had been only one baby we wouldn't be finding out. I think its that once I knew we'd find out prior to their "birth-day" I just wanted to know right then. And also because these will most likely be our last babies so I'm really excited to know what our "final family" will consist of. Will I have 3 boys like each of my siblings do? Will I have 2 boys and a girl? Or probably the least likely (in my mind anyway), 1 boy and 2 girls? Only God knows right now...but I'm hoping He lets us in on the secret oh say...tomorrow?!?! ;) I'll be sure to pop back on and let everyone know if we do find out!!

Time is flying, babies are growing

I can't believe my baby boy is growing up so fast. I look at him and see a little boy now...who I am so very proud of. This morning after he ate his breakfast he was playing with one of those wooden puzzles at the table, while I was packing our lunches. I couldn't help but smile as I listened to his babbles. Only he knows what he's saying, but oh how I love to listen to it. He has a lot to say, he's always talking! He has some words, actually probably a lot more than we realize but most of it still sounds like babbles to us. Some of his favorite words lately...Annabelle which sounds more like Ah-beh (this has been a staple of his vocabulary for months, he loves that cat), up, ice, bubbles which sounds more like bu-ba, Henry which sounds like Hee-y...those are the words of the week for now. He has a bunch more that he'll use randomly but not often. He likes to repeat words after you say something, which is sweet and also makes me realize now and then that I better be careful what I say!!

He also is very sure to let you know what he wants. He will shake his head yes or no (occasionally he'll actually say "yesh") if you ask him a question most of the time. He goes to the cabinet where we keep the snacks when he's hungry. He goes to the fridge when he wants his milk. Last night he was sitting with his daddy in the living room when I asked him if he wanted to take a bath...he started to protest until his daddy said "How about a bubble bath?" That boy jumped out of the chair and ran into the bathroom, started to pull back the shower curtain himself and show me where the bubbles are kept. Hmm...I think he wanted a bubble bath, what do you think??

Oh yes, and he knows where everything belongs. We have to push his chair back to the table when we're done with a meal. We have to put his hat on the chair in the kitchen when we come inside and if Momma or Daddy have hats on, he'll take our hats off for us and put them where they belong too. No hats in the house, you know! He brings everyone their shoes to go outside too. He LOVES the outside too. He finally has sand in his sandbox and he'll try to push the cover off of it himself so he can play. When we come inside, we have to bring the cat's water dish inside to fill it up, even if it already has water in it. He'll dump it out, carry it inside and bring it over to the sink to fill up. Then he'll carefully carry it back outside and set it down for her. Yes, we have to do this every single day. He takes VERY good care of his pets. Henry has eaten better in the last 2 months than he ever has in his 7 years of life, because as soon as he empties his dish...a certain little boy demands that you help him fill it back up :) As soon as he's big enough to do it himself, pretty sure the pets will be his "job"!

Oh, there are just so many fun things he's doing and learning everyday. He is my entertainment on a daily basis, for sure! The other night I was playing with him, watching him "cook" in his play kitchen, using all the right stuff for their actual uses and wondering how on earth he got so smart and figured all this stuff out. I realized how very lucky I am that I get to have two more of these! How cool is that!?!

Speaking of the little ones....they appear to be just as wigglie as their big brother was before he was born (wait...that never really changed, the child is still always on the move!) as the nurse had to chase them around with the doppler to try to get their heartbeats this morning. I had a few terrifying moments where there was nothing...couldn't hear a heartbeat at all and my heart sunk....but thankfully she found one and then a second. She had a hard time keeping the first baby in one place to get the rate, but finally came up with 148. The second wouldn't sit still enough to get his/her heartrate so I'm choosing to just believe all is well. We'll have our monthly ultrasound in about 2 weeks, so we can be reassured then. Oh, and for those I've talked to about the p17 shots, after research myself and from friends (thanks Jess!), talking it over with others and with the doctor, I decided to go ahead and do the shots. We don't know for sure that they'll help, but it doesn't seem they'll hurt anything (well, they might hurt me a bit, what shot doesn't?? but I can suck it up and deal if it means a better chance for my babies) and I'd hate to not do them, have the babies arrive too early and always wonder "what if". So starting in about a week, I'll have the joy of weekly progesterone shots. Fabulous. Hopefully they help keep these two in!!

All in all, we're all five doing well :) Harvest 2010 has begun and we're praying for a safe, fast and high yielding harvest this year. The outcome of harvest and the amounts on the grain checks this year will likely play a big part in the decision of whether or not to go back to work next summer. Fingers crossed for a good fall!!

Pics as promised!

First, the babies:


And in 3-D! I love this picture. Baby A, on the top, is a little harder to see. I'm pretty sure he/she has their back to us, butt towards the bottom. Pretty much the view Baby A was giving us the whole time. In the 12 week ultrasound he/she was upside down. I'm thinking Baby A is going to be a little stinker!! ;) Baby B loves to pose just right for the ultrasound pictures, as you can see.



And of course, I have to include my big boy! Who just discovered his fleece slippers, given to him before he was born by my brother and sister in law. I found them the other day when I was cleaning out his closet and had him try them on. He loves these slippers. He wants to wear them all the time. The other night, he got out of the tub, I put a diaper on him and was looking for some pjs when he spotted his slippers and just HAD to have them on. He ran around like this for quite awhile, happy as can be.



Last weekend we made some yummy spaghetti sauce with the tomatoes from our garden. This is just half of them. And there's at least that many more still on the vines that are green. Except for the few green ones you see here. Guess which little helper picked those!! ;)


And last but not least, me and my Baby Bug in our first ever field of sunflowers. There's a school nearby that has a grant to grow sunflowers and turn the oil from them into biodiesel. Hubby planted and is custom harvesting the sunflowers for them this year. They don't look half bad for our first go at it, huh?

Happy Weekend everyone!

Love these little ones

I love these babies. Love them! I'm only 12 weeks pregnant, I only found out they were a "they" and not just a he or she a week ago, just started to move past the "completely overwhelmed and terrified and not so sure about this whole thing" to "kind of excited" and already...in love with them. How does that happen?? I guess its a mom thing.

They're so stinkin cute. We had a second ultrasound today. I PROMISE I will try to get pictures up tonight. Oh shoot, we're going to our little local independent fair tonight...scratch that...tomorrow night, PROMISE! Hold me to it!! Anyway...they look great. We met with the perinatologist, who practices in a city about 2 hours away but comes in to our small town practice once a month to see the high risk and multiples pregnancies. I'll see him once a month and get an ultrasound every month as well. So, bonus views of our babies! And I'm glad they'll be monitoring everything closely. Once I get to 32 weeks, they'll be weekly ultrasounds. Geez, good thing the doctor's office is not too far away...I'm going to practically live there!! Because, yep, these monthly appts with the perinatologist, are in addition to my still monthly appointments with the regular OB. Wow. But at least they'll be paying close attention to my little ones. Oh, and to answer your question Jess, my sister's twins were born at 35 weeks. As it seems to happen in my family, her water just broke with them and then since they were laying sideways in there, she then had a c-section. They were in the NICU for just a few days, if I remember correctly (it was 8 years ago and I was only 22, kind of oblivious to the world of pregnancy and babies at that time, so I can't remember exactly) but they were all in all good. They needed a little help breathing but nothing too bad and both good weights. 5 lbs something. They've had a few more respiratory issues than most kids, but other than that they've been GREAT. So that is probably a good sign for my twins, maybe?? Hope so!

So the things we found out today: They're dichorionic-diamniotic. Which means each one has their own amniotic sac and their own placenta. Which is a good thing. The best case scenario for fewer complications, so that's great! I was also told a couple things which I never expected to be told by a doctor in my life...one, that I'm underweight. But I already gained like 7 pounds!, I told the doctor. "Well, that's good but you need to gain more." Ok then. Apparently I'm supposed to be up like 14 or 15 pounds already. Um, wow. But he did all the math out for me, how much each baby should weigh, how much all the fluids, placenta, extra blood, etc weighs at the end...and all in all, I'm supposed to gain like 45 pounds. Or more. Because that didn't even count just extra fat/reserves/etc. Um, yikes. But, as he kept reiterating...the best way to have fewer complications for the babies is for them to be a good size...which is all dependent on my taking in enough calories. So I should be getting an additional 600 calories per day. I have no idea where I'm going to get an extra 600 calories every day. But I guess I'll do my best! I'm supposed to switch to whole milk and eat lots of beef, for the good protein. Whole milk, yuck. 2% I can do...guess I'll have to work my way up to whole. Beef, sign me up, love that good beef! So I'm thinking the ideal meal just might be milkshakes and burgers, what do ya think?? :)

Anyway, we learned all sorts of other things too, so it was a really good appointment. He did say that the progesterone shots my regular OB thinks I should take, probably wouldn't help me that much. He said it doesn't really help multiples and being that I didn't go into preterm labor, instead my water just broke prematurely...the progesterone wouldn't really help. Makes sense. So I'll have to ask about that at my next regular appointment. So much to keep track of. So much to learn.

I'm finally starting to get excited about these little ones. Up until about yesterday all I had felt was basically fear and a lot of wondering why. Wondering why on earth God would pick me, of all people, to be the mom to twins. Me, the unorganized, not exactly patient one. Maybe He got confused? Or maybe He's trying to teach me to be organized and learn to have some patience? Who knows. I'm glad to finally be seeing the bright side though. Realizing that while this will be scary and hard, it will also be wonderful and we have so much fun ahead of us with our THREE KIDS! :)

So, um...yep.

We had our ultrasound this morning. Of course I was excited, and a little nervous. Excited to see our newest little one and nervous of course because you just never know...especially this early when the only sign that you're still pregnant is the nausea and tiredness you have everyday. So we got there right on time, got sent right back and taken into the ultrasound room pretty quickly. It was a tech we'd never had before, but she was really nice. Smeared that gel stuff on there and put the ultrasound wand on. Picture popped up right away! Yay! Now, I'm really bad at seeing stuff on ultrasounds. I never see what they say I'm supposed to be seeing. But this was really clear! I looked at it....blinked....and said..."Um, is that what I think? Um, no...it can't be? Is it? Is that TWO??" U/S tech: "Yep it is!" Me: "Holy.....wow...um...wow...holy crap...um....oh wow. Holy crap...wow." And so on... Then I just started laughing, and couldn't stop. Because, really...what else can you do? I mean...yes...I could cry...there are things that make me want to cry....I have so many fears and worries and what ifs and how will we's and everything else running through my mind...but crying's sure not going to change anything or make it any easier to deal with and well...I tend to laugh when I'm nervous anyway. I giggled through my entire wedding vows, if that tells you anything. So...yep...I'm just laughing. And a big ole ball of nerves. I feel like I drank two cups of coffee this morning. And I'm nauseous. And its not the pregnant type of nauseous...its the nervous type of nauseous.

Kelly's reaction was not much. He's quiet in these types of situations anyway...the u/s tech said he just looked at the screen and then looked at me...I sort of wish I could have seen his face when he first realized but I was too much in shock myself. I think he's pretty much the same as me...excited but also very very nervous about everything. I asked him "How are we going to do this?" And he said, "We just will." Which is true. We'll just make it work.

The important things....both babies look great. Measurements are all right on track, we saw Baby A bouncing and saw Baby B waving his/her little hand. Of course they look just precious. They each have their own amniotic sac, which I'm told is a really good thing...less chance for complications. The doctor can't be sure yet whether or not they share a placenta. She thinks they probably do, but we have another, more in-depth ultrasound scheduled for a week from today to find out for sure. Baby A's heartbeat is 162 and Baby B's heartbeat is 150. I get the impression they're going to be monitoring me pretty closely between the combination of it being a twin pregnancy-which I'm pretty sure is an automatic high risk designation, and my history of pre-term rupture of membranes (pretty sure that's what its called) which already had put me at slightly high risk. I'm terrified...terrified that they're going to put me on bedrest. Bedrest with no kids would be one thing...bedrest with an almost 2 year old? Not a good thing. I'd imagine we could continue to send him to the sitter's during the day...but still...would not be ideal. But of course, getting these two to bake as long as possible is of the utmost importance. Because I'm also terrified of the probability (yes, probability not possibility...I'm not going to be naive about this) that my babies will be in the NICU. We were so amazingly lucky that Bug didn't need any NICU time so I suppose there is the possibility that these two will be that lucky as well....but I don't think we should bet on it. Our closest NICU is 2 hours away. That's a whole other thing to worry about. In addition to the fact that we have the Bug to worry about too. All things that we can't worry about too much right now because, well, there's just nothing we can do. Its all just a wait and see and pray and hope that all goes well.

I have a million, bazillion other thoughts and worries and wonders in my brain. But its giving me a headache. And I'm still processing :) But I had to share with you all. Support? Resources? Experiences? I'll take it all, thanks!!

Oh yes, did I mention my sister has twins? 20 months younger than her oldest son. And no, they don't run in our family. We are the only ones we have ever heard of in our family having twins. But I guess the "history of twins" in a family has to start somewhere right? Apparently its starting with our generation. What are the chances?? I mean...really?!? Craziness I tell you. Just craziness!!!!!!!!!!!

But, most importantly...we have two beautiful little babies growing strong. Wow. They really are adorable too. I'll try to get the pictures up (my camera's still broken and I learned last time scanning ultrasound pictures doesn't work) when I get a chance.

All is well!

Just a quick little update in case I don't get a chance to hop on here this weekend!

Thank you everyone for your congratulations and well wishes, you're all so sweet to be so excited for us :) My doctor's appointment on Tuesday went well. I was lucky enough to hear my little one's heartbeat! Love that sound. Especially the first time you hear it. Brings tears to my eyes, its so amazing. Heartbeat is a healthy 152, sounded good and strong to me! Thank the Lord!

On the opposite end of the life cycle...a few weeks ago I asked you all to pray for hubby's dear Aunt Rosie who was suffering from a rare form of brain cancer. She passed away Thursday night. We know she's free of pain now and in a better place. She had the most amazing and inspirational faith, right up until the end. She really was a wonderful and strong person and I have every confidence that she's with Jesus, and with her brother, her sister and her dad who all have gone before her. Her family has a strong faith too, but its still going to be really hard for them. She was only 52, and her kids, while they all are at least in highschool, are still much too young to be losing their mother. The funeral is on Monday, so keep the family in your prayers, if you will. Its a really big family, but very close-knit and I know its going to be hard for everyone, even though everyone knew it was coming and knows she's free of pain...its still a loss for all who loved her.

I'll try to hop on here this weekend and actually say something of substance...but I have a feeling the weekend is going to be a flurry of laundry and packing to go to the funeral and then I have to go out of town for work next week...leaving my boys for almost 4 whole days! :( Tell me it won't be so bad??

Have a great weekend my dears!

Miscellany Monday

Here's a good way to catch up! Some Monday Miscellany for you

1) Last week I did little to no blogging or even blog reading because gasp, I was actually busy at work. I know, crazy, right? Its nice to feel like I'm productive though. Still praying and hoping I can stay home in the next year or so though. Please God??

2) We had our annual "reunion" this weekend of Hubby's college roommates. Always a great time seeing everyone and their families. We've all grown up a lot in the last few years. Next year we get to host. Quick everyone, time to whip the house into shape and get all the painting and fixing up done that we've been putting off for the last 4 years!!!

3) I'm so over the HOT. I'm not a big heat/summer person to begin with, and these mid-90 degrees for the last week is just enough. I don't even work outside and I'm sick of it. Yep, its true...I'm one of the people pining for fall. Its probably my favorite season though. Leaves, apple cider, apple goodies, pumpkin goodies (Hmm, I'm seeing a trend of food here) and all the yummy scents...the cool crisp mornings. Jeans and boots. Ahhhh. Oh yeah, and college football of course! Go Bucks!

4) We're going to have loads of tomatoes ripe in the next week or two. Which means, time to make sauce. Which means, we need a new recipe! Calling all my kitchen savvy friends....I need your good tomato sauce recipes!! The one we used last year had no flavor. We had to add things and/or cook it with sausage to get any taste to our spaghetti. So, if you have a good tomato sauce recipe, please send it my way!

5) The Bug ate pizza this weekend. With tomato sauce on it. It got all over his face. He polished off probably an entire piece himself. Eating it just like a big boy. We were SO proud! Yes, that's right, we were proud that our son was eating pizza. Hey, this is the boy who hates red sauces of any kind. So the sight of his little face covered in pizza sauce? Wonderful :) Maybe he'll be willing to try spaghetti next???

6) Warning: I'm about to drop a bomb on this next one. Don't say I didn't give you fair warning.

7) Okay, maybe not yet...I go back and forth on sharing this with you all. I get paranoid that as soon as I say something, it will all go wrong.

8) Oh, what the heck. Most of my friends have found out via the usual "Hey, why won't you drink with us?" even though I didn't intend to share yet (see above paranoia) Have you figured it out yet?? You're a smart group of people...

9) Yep, I'm pregnant. There, I said it. YIKES! Well, I figure this is the place I'd come to if something does go wrong because I'd need to share my feelings on it (and I sure can't share "IRL" because most people don't know yet) so I might as well share now while its still good news. (Listen to me, "still good news", ugh, I am SO paranoid! I just hope all my paranoia is unneccesary) So anyway, I'm 8 1/2 weeks, first "actual" doctor's appointment is tomorrow. I already did the nurse's appt and the bloodwork a few weeks ago. So far I generally feel nauseous all day, everyday, but haven't actually gotten sick yet. I'm taking it as a good thing because with the one we lost, I never felt bad at all. With the Bug, I was usually nauseous in the afternoon/evening from about 5 wks through 12 or 13 weeks but never actually got sick either. So I'm hoping and praying that all is well with this one too. With Bug, I got a 7 week ultrasound...but it appears I have to wait until 11 weeks with this one. :( That's about all I have on that for now.

10) Lastly, big reminder to those I'm Facebook friends with...This is still a SECRET!! So nothing about it on my FB page, please!!! Say a prayer that all continues to go well and this little one grows healthy and strong as he/she should. Thanks girls :) I'm really, really nervous...especially as more people find out....Yikes.

This Miscellany Monday brought to you by:



Never done a link up thing before...so we'll see if that works :)

Where's the relaxing?

We got back from vacation on Sunday. Pictures to come, I promise...but come on, you didn't really expect pictures right away did you? You know me better than that by now :) I really intended to upload them last week but our internet was out, and I've just been so.very.tired. in the evenings. This weekend...what, we had a weekend? Where did it go?

Vacation was good. Well. What's your definition of good? The Bug LOVED playing in the sand, and loved the ocean on the second day. The first day, not so much because he was standing at the edge with his grandpa and a "big" (big to a 17 month old!) wave attacked him. Face full of sand and saltwater rushing over you? Nobody likes that. Scared the crap out of Bug and Momma too. He wouldn't go near the water the rest of the day. Can't blame him. The next day he went out with Daddy and they "jumped" the waves...giggles and smiles abounded. The rest of the time there the ocean was much too rough for a little guy so the rest of the time was spent filling buckets with sand and destroying sand castles that his bigger cousins made. They made them specifically for him to destroy, now is that love, or what? His cousins just adore him. Its the sweetest thing. Kind of tiring when they insist on telling me what they think he wants "I think he wants to go in the ocean." "I think he wants this shell here." "I think he wants to go outside." "I think he wants to stand on my boogie board." Or...maybe he's just fine guys! :) They're sweet little boys...but two 8 year olds get a little exhausting when you're not used to them. The 9 year old is a lot quieter. Its amazing what a difference 20 months makes, and maybe being the oldest too. He's definitely growing up into a responsible, helpful kid!

There was drama, of course. I won't get into details, I'll just say this. Between the drama (which didn't involve us at all, it was my siblings), the constant need for an itinerary...everyone always asking us "When are you going out to the beach?" "What are you going to do now?"...um, I thought we were on vacation, why do we need a plan? Can't we just relax? Lets just say, we're not doing another "big" family vacation again. This was attempt #2 and we thought it would be great because of the extra people to watch the Bug, giving us a chance to rest and relax. But, not so much. Oh well. Live and learn. And stick with family vacations of just US from now on :) It was still nice to see the ocean for the first time in 5 years or so, and we did get some family time just the 3 of us, which was nice. We even got some couple time! That's right, we (drumroll please) went to the grocery store!! Just the two of us. So exciting.

The drive down...oh boy. Involved construction, detours, missed exits and we got there at about 2 am. Thankfully the Bug was good the whole way, sleeping for more than half the drive. Luckily it did rain most of the afternoon that first day (how weird is that...lucky that it rained at the beach? what?) and we took a family nap or two to recover. The drive home was about as perfect as it gets with a 17 month old. He slept the majority of the way. I think the sand and surf and cousins wore him out! We took a scenic route to avoid the construction and detours and got to see peanut and cotton fields! Which are really pretty! We also went through what we are pretty sure had to be the poorest parts of rural North Carolina. It felt like the places you see in movies that take place in the south a long time ago. We took our time and got home around 7:30 (had left the beach around 9 am), did the main unpacking and went to bed early! All that driving is exhausting!

This weekend I should have spent the whole time doing laundry and getting ready for another mini camping trip this coming weekend. Especially since we'll likely spend at least 2 evenings this week at the fair. Yep, its county fair time! But, instead...I did some relaxing and got lots of quality family time in. I even took a nap or two. Totally worth it. Saturday we went over to some friends so that I could shear their daughter's lamb for the fair. She's only 9 and its her first year, so they needed a little help. When I was in 4-H I showed lambs for 10 years and LOVED it. Loved, loved, loved. So I was more than happy to lend my "expertise" and help get their lamb ready for the fair. I tried giving her some showing tips but boy oh boy that is one strong and wild lamb. Even I had a hard time keeping it under control a couple of times. Pretty sure its going to get away from her in the ring. But, that's why its enclosed and they have extra people around to "catch" runaway animals. Especially in the beginner classes. I can't wait to watch her show, I hope she does well enough that she wants to stick with it next year!

Sunday was a lazy family Sunday. Again, totally worth it :) And now we're back to the workweek. Blah. I really have SO much more to say...hopefully I can squeeze in another post or two this week. Happy August! aka: my birthday month...hmmm...what do I want for my birthday??? :)

Tuesday Night Randoms

• Have I mentioned how much I just LOVE doing farm bookwork?? Oh, I haven't? Gee..wonder why. Its fun times, you know. Been printing out invoices tonight...well, I guess its not so bad, the faster the invoices get out, the faster the checks come in, right?
• Its rained pretty much everyday for about a week here. Storms most nights. The rain is good for the crops and all, but I'm kind of over it at this point. I shouldn't complain. Its July and we're getting rain, that's pretty darn good.
• Speaking of rain and crops, we have some kick-ass looking corn. We took a drive on Sunday to look at our crops (the Bug slept most of the time). This is one of the things I was afraid we wouldn't get to do once we had a baby...we used to drive around every or at least every other Sunday to "scout" our crops and I loved the together time. I figured we wouldn't be able to do it anymore, and I didn't really go along last year. My bug was so little then, and I still felt like I was in a haze and had no clue what I was doing at this whole parenting thing! But we all three get to go this summer and its nice to have that family time again. We even stopped and got milkshakes. Yum! Chocolate for me, raspberry (who knew you could get that?) for the hubby. Bug tried both, liked the chocolate enough to have a couple sips and then, eh, not so much. Hey, more for Momma!
• Now watch, because I stated to the world that we have kick-ass corn, something bad will happen to it. Probably get flooded or something. But I hope not!!
• Did I mention I'm going to the beach soon? Yay! With my WHOLE family. Yay! Um, I think?? ;) How weird is this though? I had both my mother in law and my sister in law ask me if it was just the Bug and me going. Um...no, why on earth would I go on vacation with my son and NOT bring my husband? And who in their right mind would drive 9 hours (one way!) by themselves to the beach, with a 16 month old? Not me! We've gone on some sort of vacation together every year that we've been married, even if its a short one only a few hours away...why would they think I'd go without him now? I thought it was a strange question to ask anyway. I never said I understood people.
• This morning my little guy hadn't been up 10 minutes before he went and pulled his sunscreen out of his daycare bag, brought it over to me and pointed up at the counter. I put him up there and he held out his sunscreen to me. Our conversation...Me: "You want me to put sunscreen on you?" Him: Nodding emphatically, "Yesh!" Me: Why? Do you want to go outside?" Him: Nodding some more, "Yesh!" Me: "Buddy, you still have your jammies on and we haven't even had breakfast! Don't you want some pancake first?" Him: more nodding while pointing at the toaster excitedly :) Oh how I love that little boy!

Ok, shower and bedtime for me...and things like THIS are why I'm always tired in the morning...one of these days I'm going to go to bed a reasonable time. hahahaha

Update and trucks

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts. My sister in law's father in law passed on Saturday night, calling hours were yesterday-which we went to, and the funeral was today. They all seem to be dealing fairly well, I think its a bit of a relief for it to be over, you know? The anticipation of losing him and the waiting and watching him in pain I think was getting to be awfully hard on everyone. Now its just to the business of going on without someone who was such an important part of their life. As it always is when you lose someone.

We felt like we really needed to be there for hubby's sister and brother in law, so we made the 2 1/2 hour drive to go to the calling hours. And since we didn't have anybody to watch the Bug, he came along with us. But he did really great with the drive and at the funeral home (well, as good as can be expected for a 16 month old who had just been in the car for hours).

While we were in the area, we stopped and looked at a couple potential grain trucks that hubby had found online and luckily were only about 20 minutes from where we needed to be. I think it was worth the stop, because he may buy one of them but it would have been a pretty big hassle to make a separate trip to look at them. And turns out my Bug LOVED the big trucks! He got all excited when Daddy popped the hood and he could see the engine. Someone with a little girl, please do me a favor...take your girl to see a semi, pop the hood and let her see the engine. Tell me if you get a big reaction. I'm really curious...is it just a built in boy thing? Or a general 1 year old thing? Or just a "Bug thing"? :) I mean...its an engine. I don't get it...but apparently he sure did! We let him sit in the driver's seat and he had a grand time pretending to drive. So much so, that he cried when I took him out and as soon as I put him down, he walked himself right back over to the truck and wanted to climb up the steps and get back in the cab. But it was snacktime and it was crazy hot out there and Daddy had lots of looking and talking with the sales guy to do yet...so Bug and I turned on the car with the a/c full blast and hopped in the backseat to hang out and have a snack :) Which he also loved, because, well how cool is it to be able to climb around in the backseat and play instead of being strapped into the carseat?? Pretty darn cool, apparently! Especially when you can munch on the goldfish that you previously dumped out in your carseat...the boy is big into self serve eating, you know. Then we were off to the in-laws' hotel room to change clothes, let him run around a bit and then we headed to the funeral home. Talked to the family, went to dinner and headed home. Bug slept the whole way home, thankfully, and even went back to bed after jammies and a snack when we got home. I was one impressed Momma. I think we might be finally getting a decent car-rider. Though I should probably bite my tongue until AFTER we make our 9 hour drive to and from the beach in a couple of weeks, huh??

Prayers all around

Quick post to ask for some prayers. Its one of those when it rains, it pours times I guess.

Hubby's aunt has a rare form of very aggressive brain cancer. She's had it for over a year and a half, which already makes her lucky (if you can call it that?) that she is still alive now, as most people don't last 6 months with this type of cancer. They've been fighting it hard from the beginning with surgeries, chemo, experimental treatments, and a whole lot of prayer and positive thinking. She's been extremely brave and strong, as has her entire family. But from talking to my father in law yesterday, it sounds like she's nearing the end. The tumor has gotten bigger and more aggressive and she's also fighting a staph infection at the same time. They're trying to get her to a point that she can go home now and be with her family until the end. Her oldest daughter is in law school and is getting married next summer. She won't have her mom at her wedding. Her younger two are in highschool. Prayers for her and her whole family would be greatly appreciated.

Hubby's sister's father in law (did you follow that?) is also very very sick with stomach cancer. He's in a hospice home now and is essentially waiting for the end as well. He was diagnosed only 9 or 10 months ago, so this has all been pretty fast and I think they're still really coming to terms with things. His two sons have been there almost constantly for about 2 weeks now, trying to soak up as much time with their father as they can before he's gone, and his 18 month old granddaughter (our niece) went to see him last week. Thankfully she will have pictures and her daddy's stories of grandpa as she grows up, but its a hard thing for everyone. I'm sure it has to be hard at any time to lose a parent, but when you're not even 30 it just seems too young. Prayers for him and for his whole family also appreciated.

Last request for now. My best friend since I was 5 just began the process of getting a divorce from her jerk of a husband. Who apparently has cheated on her now not once, but twice. I could go on and on about the way he's been and how mad I am about it...but suffice it to say, she did everything she could to save this marriage and he has made basically no effort at all. She has really struggled with this decision, but has determined this is the best thing for her. I'm not a big divorce advocate or anything, but I support her fully in her choice and I think she's doing the right thing for herself. I can tell already that its going to be a messy divorce and a battle for her (he wants spousal support and half of her retirement because he never started a retirement fund himself and she has a much better job). Thankfully, they have no children and she's young and has a lot going for her, so I know she'll be okay. I just hate that she has to go through this and that he wasted 10 years of her life when she could be married to a good guy who treats her the way she deserves and raising a family by now. :( Doesn't help that I'm 3 hours away from her so I feel sort of helpless while she's going through this. Any suggestions on how to help from afar? And prayers for her too...she's got a tough road ahead of her to get her life back on track.

So, yeah...I've been feeling a bit emotionally drained lately. Thanks for any prayers and positive thoughts guys! And thanks for being there :)

Nice balance

Did you know today is National Chocolate Day? And on top of that...hmm, actually I think the chocolate should go on top... July is National Ice Cream Month. You know what that means, right? It is our patriotic duty to have a chocolate sundae today. Or at least some chocolate ice cream. Chocolate dipped cone perhaps? Mmmmmm.

Our Fourth of July weekend was a hot one, but good. I love long weekends. I'd like to have one every weekend. Or at least once a month. Better yet, I'd like to just be a stay at home mom entirely. My job is very "eh". I mean, sure I like it well enough, but I certainly don't love it. And I'm not real thrilled with the direction my company appears to be headed in, but unfortunately it seems there's nothing I can do to prevent it. Its out of my hands. I just have to deal with the consequences of others' actions...or non-actions, as the case may be. I still hate that I'm away from my Bug 40 hrs of the week. Actually 50 hrs of the week once you add in my lunch hour and commute time. Much too much time away from my little guy who is growing too fast. I'm missing out on too much. They're only little once. But, though I've always been adamant that it is not a RULE that a farmer's wife has to work an off the farm job (because so many people insist that it is a given-the only way to "pay" for farming and get insurance so they say)...right now we just can't quite afford for me to stay home. I wonder sometimes when we WILL be able to afford it. IF we will be able to. It breaks my heart to think of working full-time the entire time my child(ren) are growing up. Honestly breaks it. My mom stayed home with me when I was little, only working part time at our school and I treasure those memories of spending my daytimes with her, of her being there when I got home from school, being there all summer long. Playing boardgames, reading books, baking cookies, helping her in the garden. I want that for my kid(s). Hubby's mom worked full time when he was a kid and he has memories of the babysitter, and of eating KFC or Dominos pizza a couple times a week that his mom picked up on her way home from work. Sure, he turned out great and I'm not bashing his mom, she's a wonderful mother...but that's just not the type of childhood either of us want for our kiddos. Maybe if I had some big career that I loved, I would feel differently. I doubt it though. I've always wanted to be a mom, more than anything else. And those weekends that I have an extra day or two at home, I feel like I am in my element. I'm truly happy. I'm doing what I love. Taking care of my family. I actually have the TIME to take care of my house the way I should, to feed my family the way I like to, to not have to spend the majority of my time playing "catch up" because I didn't have the time to do any of these things during the week. And I have the time to really ENJOY my Bug and to really do things with him. I have a tendency to ignore a lot of housework during the week because I only get a few hours with my Bug every evening and I live by these words:

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

They grow up so quickly and the house will get dirty again tomorrow. So I'm enjoying my little boy while I can. But...I do like to have a clean house, so I run around like a crazy person all weekend trying to catch up and by the time I feel like its good enough, its halfway through Sunday and I've missed out on my weekend. I'm not trying to be all "woe is me"...I didn't even mean for this post to be about this! Just things I think about, especially after having a perfect 3 days with my boys.

We went "camping" on Saturday in a friend's field. No electric, no running water...not really my kind of camping...give me flushing toilets, hot showers and an electrical hookup for our camper and I'm good. But, it was less than 24 hours and it was a nice little getaway (and baths and showers for everyone when we got home!). They have a little creek that we took the kids to (6 kids between the bunch of us) and of course our little guy LOVED it. That boy is a big fan of water! He had a grand time running all over the place too, tripping over the rough terrain of the field but popping right back up again without complaint. Everyone commented on how tough he is...but really I think he was just too excited about all the people and the new place, because while my little guy is pretty good at getting right back up when he falls, he was being a lot tougher than normal in that situation. Watched some fireworks after dark, had a campfire, a few drinks and just some nice relaxation. Sunday morning we packed up and headed home so Hubby could finish running wheat. Never a true day off when you're farming. Thankfully, the wheat is done and our check from the elevator came yesterday. Gotta love cash-flow in the middle of summer. Though I can't decide if its depressing or encouraging that I spotted 3 checks for the farm waiting to be deposited this morning, and the total of them is what I make in almost 3 months. And its summer, the time when the cash flowing in slows to a trickle. Hmmm...I think I will view it as encouraging...maybe I will get to stay home one of these days.

Monday we worked in our garden, with the help of a little boy who was covered head to toe in dirt by the time we were done. Had our first summer squash out the garden for dinner, yum! And spent the rest of the day puttering around accomplishing things and playing with my Bug (while Hubby worked of course). My idea of a perfect weekend....just the right balance of quality family time, playing with my little guy, productivity around the house, and relaxing. Oh yeah, I didn't mention that I got a 2 hr nap on Sunday? NICE. Thank you little Bug who slept for 1 hr on his own and a second hour cuddled up with Momma. Like I said, perfect. :)

Walking, talking, growing machine

15 1/2 months old already. And suddenly he's not a baby anymore. He's walking you guys! I mean, really really walking! Everywhere! Like its nothing, like he's been doing it all his life!

I mean seriously...if that's not a big boy right there, I don't know what is :) They were headed to the barn to check on the kitties. By the way...this picture = my heart melting. Love it.

And he's talking! Well, ok, so his words consist of "mama", "da" (dad), "yesh" (yes) and "sh" (shoes). But still...its talking. And yes, shoes. I know. Random, right? I think its because we put on shoes to go outside and he looooves the outside. So anytime he finds shoes (his shoes, momma's shoes, daddy's shoes, it doesn't matter), he tries to put them on, the whole time saying "Sh, sh, sh." Actually it sounds more like "Ch, ch". Either way, its freaking adorable. :) Still working on the molars. One is for sure in and he won't let me look at the rest, but I'm pretty sure another is about to break through because boy oh boy has he been cranky. And not so into eating, which is a usual symptom of teething for him. Speaking of eating, did I mention my boy is "on the charts"?! Yep! Granted, its like the 3rd percentile or something, but hey...its on the charts for his actual age so I'm calling it a win. 19 lbs, 12 oz and 30 inches long at his 15 month appointment. Go little Bug!
Other than that...not a whole lot going on here. It finally stopped raining so that my farmer hubby could play catch up. Spraying done, sidedressing corn almost done, beans almost all in. There was a brief consideration of buying another farm. Yes, in addition to the one we already own. Thankfully, he talked some sense into himself and realized while its great to own more land, its even better to be able to put food on the table :) Good choice honey. Work is a headache, but I'm pushing through still in the hopes that its temporary and someday I'll get to stay home with my little one(s). No, no additional little ones on the way yet...though did I mention my baby is growing up?! I had almost no trace of "baby fever" until suddenly I looked at my baby and saw a big boy...and now that baby fever is somehow creeping in. Even though my "big boy" doesn't want to sleep lately. Thank you molars. Can't wait until those are through. But look at this kid. I mean, even if he is up at 4:30 am...how can you get mad at this face??

Things look different from the outside

The other day I told a friend that her strength and her faith were inspiring to me. Its true, I see her as such a strong person. She lost her husband in a farm accident at the age of 27. They had a 5 month old baby at the time. I can't imagine, nor do I ever want to find out, just how difficult that would be. Two years later, she has such a positive outlook. She's a great mom, working to support herself and her son (who is cute as can be and a mirror image of his daddy in so many ways), while finding time to help on her family's farm and teach her son all about farming as well as the person his daddy was so that he can feel like he knows his dad, even though they had less than 5 months on this earth together. All the while she seems to have this unwavering faith in God, which I'm sure is what helps her survive day to day. I truly think of her almost everyday and find such inspiration through the way she lives her life. But here's the thing that got me thinking. When I told her how strong she was, she replied with "Thank you, but I sure don't feel strong most days." And it made me think about how others often see us so much differently than we may feel or may see ourselves.

I think in most cases, a person is so much harder on themselves than others would be. Its easy to get bogged down with the day-to-day stress and the challenges we face. To feel like you're not getting anywhere, not being all you can be or all you want to be. So now and then I think its important to have someone from the "outside looking in" to remind you that you're stronger than you feel. That affirmation from the "outside", whether you may fully believe the person or not, can do a lot for you. At least it does for me. When I was in college, I had a friend tell me once, "I admire you. You can do anything." I thought he was crazy, and I told him so. But he went on to explain how he had watched me, over the previous year, do so many "new" things, things I may have been really nervous about at first, and then go on to be successful at them. I still thought he was slightly crazy. :) But the more I thought about it, I started to see what he was saying. Every once in a while, even 9 years later, when I am contemplating doing something I'm not sure I can do, I still think about that comment...and think, "Hmm, maybe he's right. Maybe I can do anything if I just try..."

Similarly, I've noticed too that I see what my husband does to provide for us and I am truly in awe of and so proud of him. He has so much knowledge, the ability to just figure things out when it comes to mechanical issues, can balance the many aspects of farming when planning for the year, or even just the week or just for today, and somehow he isn't constantly stressed with it all! I tell him (probably not often enough) that I think he's a great farmer, heck other people tell him too (I think it means more to him from others, he probably thinks I "have to" say he's good at it ;) ), but he is always saying things like "Well, it would be better if I could have done x, y and z." He also swears, "Anybody can farm, its not that hard." I beg to differ, I know I couldn't do it!
I'm not sure what my point is, maybe just that sometimes we need to step back and look at ourselves from another's point of view to really appreciate ourselves and what we do and are capable of. Just some food for thought I guess!

This is my favorite age...no, THIS is my favorite age...no, THIS is...

How is it that everyday with our little Bug seems more fun than the day before?

What a stylin' guy.

Daddy's boots were sitting on the floor. The little Bug decided he needed to wear them, so he was standing next to them, trying to get his foot in. He needed a little help, so Daddy got him all dressed up. Ready to go to work Daddy!

Love swingin'!

What an ornery look! I think we're going to have our hands full with this one...

But Mommy, what do you mean its raining and I can't go outside? The child would LIVE outside if he could, I'm certain of it. Every night when its time to come in for a bath, he cries. Last night he was screaming so loudly as I carried him inside, I was sure the neighbors thought something terrible was going on. He was fine once we got inside and found some toys.

He also wants to be walking whenever we're outside, being carried when you're in the great outdoors is not an option as far as he's concerned. Yes, he's walking! Not all the time, but more and more everyday. One day a couple of weeks ago, he just started walking all over the place at the sitter's. He wouldn't do it at home, more than a couple of steps at a time, for a while. But this weekend he started waking further distances. He's a pro at walking when someone's holding his hands ( which is a little rough on that someone's back as he's not very tall...) I think it won't be long until we'll be chasing him all over! Another one of those "Ready or not, here we go!" milestones.

Couches (what?!)

Ok, so I've never done a bloggie participation type thing...but my dear blog friend LeAnna mentioned this Friday Flashback from Confessions of a Redeemed Diva all about...yes...couches. And I thought to myself...hey, I have a couch story! So why not, right?

Its not actually my own couch. Well, ok, my own couch has a history too. Its a hand-me-down from my parents and I've been sitting on it since I was about 5. Its about 25 years old (uh oh, I think I just gave away my age...shhhhh), has been re-upholstered once and is now slipcovered because the re-upholster job was done in the 90's soooo...yeah. Dark green with flowers is not really the style I'm going for in my house, I'm afraid. Have I mentioned how much I hate slipcovers though? Why am I the only one in my house that ever notices it needs to be TUCKED...tuck, tuck, tuck...and why does it ride up the back of the couch until suddenly the actual couch is peaking out because the back of the slipcover has come all the way up and OVER the couch? What? How does that happen? Yes. Hate slipcovers. But we're getting a "new" couch. Ok, a "new" hand-me-down. But its only about 5 years old and will not require a slipcover, so sign me up! Its just a matter of waiting for hubby to have the time, on a non-rainy day, to go pick up said couch from his parents with his truck...because it just won't fit in the trunk of my car, believe it or not. Time + non-rainy day + farmer husband..hmmmm...yep, we'll be waiting a while.

So the "story" couch is my good friend Rachel's love seat (with a twin sized hide-a-bed, oooh, fancy!) When we were freshmen in college, she bought it at some sort of discount furniture store to replace the ridiculously saggy one that she'd originally procured from some second-hand store (hey, it was college, we were cheap). We were literally sitting on the floor on the first couch so...it had to go. The new couch/love-seat was NICE. Well, it was at least the nicest piece of furniture on the 3rd floor of our dorm for sure. Many an afternoon was spent on that loveseat, eating bagels with peanut butter, cheese cubes (we had an obsession with those pre-packaged cheese cubes for some reason, don't ask my why...I think it was a novelty thing), and making "executive decisions" as we called them, to skip Econ 200 and watch soap operas instead. Yep, we were good students (no, we actually were, we just got lazy on spring quarter afternoons). And I got an A in that class anyway so we must have done something right :) The couch moved into Rachel's house the next year (I stayed in the dorm for another year for some crazy reason...) and junior year it moved into the house that we shared (where there were 7 of us in a house meant for 4 people. Again, it was college, we were cheap). That couch was witness to a lot of Saturdays watching football games, studying now and then, and maybe, just maybe a couple of parties ;) But my biggest memory of that couch happened on Dec 30, 2000. I had come back from Christmas break a day early (we always came back on the 31st so we could spend New Years Eve with our friends) so that I could go on what turned out to be a date with a guy who had been one of my best friends since freshman year. Yes, I had no idea at the time that it was a date...I was a bit oblivious. I honestly was just going to dinner and a movie with a friend. Apparently to everyone else (him included) it was pretty obvious that it was a date. He tried to hold my hand during the movie...I didn't let him. I'm mean. Ok, I did actually like him. A lot. In fact, I had for 2 years. I just never would admit it to anyone and in fact I denied it for so long that I started to convince myself. I think I was trying to "protect" myself and our friendship by pretending it wasn't a date and trying not to let it "become" a date. Anyway...after the movie we went back to my house. Since it was still the day before most people would come back from their break, I only had maybe one of my six roommates there, so my non-date and I sat on "Rachel's couch" in the living room and talked (yes, all we did was talk, get your mind out of the gutter!!) and we talked...and talked...and talked. Until about 2 in the morning. I have no idea what we talked about. There wasn't a single kiss, or even an attempt at a kiss. But it was one of the best nights of my life. Because 3 years, 1 month and 1 day later....I married that guy. Oh yeah, like you didn't see THAT one coming! :)

Oh and by the way, Rachel still has that couch. In fact, a couple of months ago a group of girls from college, along with our kids, all spent the weekend at her house. Guess where I slept? Yep...on the hide-a-bed of that very couch. As I laid in bed that night, listening to the soft breathing of my sleeping son next to me, I couldn't help but think back to the night of December 30, 2000. I sure am glad I came back to school a day early for my "non-date" :)

A Short Midweek Funny

Conversation between me and my hubby one night as we listened to the cars zoom by outside our window (we live maybe 50 feet, if that, from a state route):

Me: There sure is a lot of traffic for 10:45 on a Thursday night. You know what, in my next life I'm going to have a house way back off of the road.

Him: Well, it wouldn't be that bad to be this close to the road if it weren't for all the cars.

Me: Yep, you're right, it wouldn't be bad at all if the road wasn't a road.

:)

Planting corn (aka: the most exciting thing ever)

Last weekend (not this past one-it was rainy) was beautiful and a perfect weekend to get some crops in the ground. Farming is often a 7 day a week job, but especially so when it comes to spring planting and fall harvest. If the weather is good, you better be in the field no matter if its a Tuesday or a Sunday. Being a full-time working momma however (boo), Saturdays and Sundays are our only real chance for some family time. So when Daddy's working in the field, you just get your family time wherever you can...which usually means hopping in the car to go have a picnic with him!

Eating some goldfish (actually I think these were bunnies) with Daddy. Its all he would eat on the picnic. Apparently the whole eating outside/on the back of the truck was just way too exciting to actually take the time to EAT anything. We had to have a "2nd lunch" when we got home. Don't mind the fabulously mismatched outfit...we were going to the field, I didn't figure he had to match :)

After lunch, we stayed to watch Daddy start planting corn.

There he goes!

I wish I had gotten a picture of Riley's reaction to the corn planting. I have honestly never seen the kid get SO excited about anything in his life.

Every time the tractor came around, he would get a huge smile on his face and start pointing and waving his hands in the air. I think I've got a future farmer on my hands. Good thing we re-did the interior of our cab tractor last year...I know a little boy who's likely going to be spending a lot of time in there....

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my little Momma's boy now before he's big enough to be Daddy's shadow.

Because you know, with Mommy you get to do fun stuff like climb in and out of the magazine basket repeatedly. And it just doesn't get much better than that, does it?