Things to remember

As I was cuddling my little boy last night before bed, his warm little body nestled in my arms, his blonde little head resting on my shoulder, and I listened to the steady breathing of a little boy who's just fallen asleep in his most favorite place in the world...the safety and comfort of his momma's arms...I told myself to take a mental snapshot of this moment. This most perfect moment. This moment that years from now, when he's all grown up and I'm lucky to get a quick hug as he's running out the door, I'll long for and wish I could re-live. Don't you just wish there was a way to bottle these moments up?? Like earlier last night when I peeked out of the kitchen to see my husband lying on the floor, reading a book to our son...who was sitting there just completely enthralled with his Daddy's story. Heart...melt. Or when I was making dinner and all I could hear was a cascade of non-stop toddler giggles as my two favorite guys in the world played in the next room. These are the moments life is made of. These are the moments that I want to remember, always.

I guess that makes THAT decision

Lately it seems I don't make my own big decisions anymore. Which is probably an okay thing, considering I'm one of the most indecisive people I know. A couple of months ago, I was thinking about if we should have 2 kids or 3. God intervened and said, "Not for you to decide, you're having 3." Okay, then. Since then, we've been trying to decide whether or not I should stay home after the babies arrive. We were leaning towards yes, but it was still a little uncertain and indecisive me, was really just afraid to make a final decision. Well, today God intervened and said "Yes, you're staying home." At least for a while. My company is actually a division of a larger company located in another state. They announced today that our division would be moving to company headquarters, which is halfway across the country. Needless to say, everyone here is going to be out of a job. The only "sticky" part for me is that I carry our insurance. And as everyone knows, insurance during a pregnancy? Very important! And also something you can't really just change halfway through. So my most important thing is keeping my insurance until after these babies are born and preferably after any potential NICU time if that is a necessary thing. My official "end date" is still undecided, but thankfully I'll get 3 months severance and my insurance for those 3 months following the end date will be covered. If the babies come prior to the "end date" or if my doctor says I need to stop working, I'll go on short term disability/FMLA just as I would have otherwise, until the end date and then my severance package will kick in. So, we should be okay. It might even end up being a pretty decent deal for us. So I'm feeling pretty good about everything. There's a few unknowns yet, but that's life, right? What I feel badly about is all my co-workers. Lucky for me, I'm in a situation where I can deal with losing my income, its something we were probably going to do anyway. But most everyone else is not. They depend on their jobs, their incomes, and finding a new job is not going to be easy for most of them. The vast majority don't have college degrees, and the job market is slim in our area. Its going to be really tough on them. I've already heard talk of people going without insurance, and going without things like necessary medications. I feel bad for them, and there's nothing I can do or say to help. I just hope things work out for them all.

I have a secret...I think.

Here's the non-secret part: both babies look great! Growing just as they should, looking healthy. Yay! Baby A's heartbeat is 148 and Baby B's is 140. Interesting tidbits...Baby A has an anterior placenta, which my Baby Bug had too. This is why the Bug's movements always felt so gentle to me, because they were sort of 'cushioned'. This is also why I don't feel as much movement from Baby A (who is on my right side) as I do from Baby B (on the left). That is reassuring because I had been slightly concerned over the fact that I felt one baby so much less than the other. Baby A is also breech, but come on, does that really matter this early in the game? Pretty sure not. Basically Baby A is our little troublemaker...which I have said before as he/she was upside down and not letting the tech get good pictures at our last ultrasound. Then today as the tech was trying to get a picture of Baby B, Baby A was over there trying to push his/her way into the picture. Baby B meanwhile, had an arm over his/her face as if to say "No pictures, please!" Hmmm...can they have personalities already this early in the game?? Also, my weight gain is perfect. Which is reassuring since I've had a lot of comments on my size already and I was starting to get self-conscious. Oh boy, I think its going to be a long 5 months with these comments starting already....but now I can tell people that my doctor says I'm right on track :)

So the maybe secret part...I should have just made the hubby go to with me this morning. But you know boys...unless you remind them a million times beforehand, they apparently can't remember things like appointments. What's that, you say? I should have marked it on the calendar? Oh but I did! But apparently we only look at the calendar for "farm" things....who knows. Anyway, since I didn't remind him until after he'd come in the house and taken a shower last night, he hadn't given the heifers enough feed to get through until mid-morning...they would be out of hay (and turns out they actually were out of hay when he got out there to feed them, so he was right on that) and my appointment was at 8 am. Not knowing for sure if we'd be able to find out what the babies are today, and not wanting him to end up wasting his morning at the doctor's office (which he says now he wouldn't have minded..hmm...funny how he didn't say that last night when we were debating on if he should go or not)...I said okay, fine, just come to the big scan in 3 weeks where we'll find out for sure. So...typical of me...I went by myself, not happy about it, but figuring if I had dragged him along we wouldn't have been able to find out anyway and then we'd have hungry heifers at home (who our luck, probably would have broken out in the meantime too) for no reason. The tech asks me in the room if I want to know, and I say "Well, I do, but not today because I want my husband to be here when we find out. Even though its killing me to not just find out today!!" She seemed impressed that I was willing to wait anyway... The other tech in the room was asking me about my sister's twins and I said something about my family having all boys. To which the doctor said, "oh, I bet you'd like a girl then!" I replied that if I was being honest, yes I'd kind of like one to be a girl. He said, "Maybe they both will be!" I said, "I don't know about that, because to someone who's used to all boys, the idea of 2 girls is a little overwhelming!" And there was no more talk of gender during the ultrasound...the tech very carefully referred to each baby as "little one" instead of he or she. Move on to meeting with the doctor afterwards....he walks in and says....."So, there's one of each!" Me: "There is?!" Doctor: "Oh, I thought you wanted to know??" Me: "Well, I did but not until my husband was here and he had to work today." Doctor: "Oh, well then, I didn't say anything!" :) Sooooo.....while I'm not sure how the doctor knew...considering he wasn't even looking at the screen during the ultrasound and I'm really not sure if the tech scanned over the right areas or not, my guess is maybe she did and then he looked at the whole u/s after I left the room? Can they do that? Sort of replay them? I'm really not sure. So until I see with my own eyes and get confirmation, I'm thinking its PROBABLY a boy and a girl...but I'm not betting on it (I will admit that I'm hoping that's what it is because if I could choose, that's what I wanted anyway!) So...SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Don't tell anyone but I think that's what we're having. :) Hubby called right after I got out of the appointment and I told him what the doctor said...but we're keeping that "possible news" hush hush until our big ultrasound where we can be positive about it. And yes, when my mom called this afternoon I lied to her and told her we couldn't find out yet. Oh man, what kind of daughter am I?! But I'd hate for people to rush out and buy a bunch of pink stuff (which they would...this is the first potential girl in a family with 7 grandsons already, what do YOU think they'd do???) and then have it turn out to be wrong. So we don't know anything...and remember YOU don't know anything either (I hope I'm right that nobody in "real life" has discovered this blog...hmmm) so especially to my facebook friends, remember...SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...its our little secret. You know, just between me and the interwebs, right?? hahaha!!

1 down, 18 to go

Had my first progesterone shot today in my efforts to keep these babies IN as long as possible. We were supposed to start them at 16 weeks but by the time we got scheduling figure out, it was today at 17 weeks. Close enough. Aside from the fact that its going to cost us $33 per shot, its not bad...and yes, that's after insurance covers 80% of it. Ha, I love the fact that my doctor told me "Even if insurance doesn't cover it, they're really not very expensive." Reminds me how clueless doctors can be about things like that. Hmmm, call me crazy but if insurance wasn't covering that other 80% and I had to pay $168 every week for 20 weeks..lets see, that adds up to over $3000. Um. Apparently she has a very different idea of "expensive" than I do. Thankful that my insurance covers a portion of it at least. But, we decided to go with the shots and hopefully they help. I think my hubby is still a bit skeptical...but I know I'd be kicking myself if I didn't do them and then these babies came way too early. Now, if they come way too early anyway? Well, lets just hope that doesn't happen. So its really not a bad deal though, a nurse comes out weekly to give me each injection. Since I work all day, she comes to my office (I'm glad I have a door!), gives me the shot, uses a doppler to listen to the babies' heartbeats (Bonus!! Today they were 140 and 150) and that's pretty much it. The shot's not too bad...I guess the liquid is really thick so she has to give it really slowly, which is not the most fun since it burns going in but I can deal with that. And what a small world, she went to Ohio State, was an Ag major and graduated a year after I did...you don't find that very often. She looks vaguely familiar...I should ask her what her maiden name is to figure out if I did know who she was in school. The Ag Campus is not very big, most people at least knew of each other if you didn't know everyone personally. Her husband is a farmer in an area even less conducive to grain farming than we live in too...so we appear to have a lot in common. Always nice to talk to someone who "gets it" :) Sooo...1 shot down, 18 more to go. I sure hope I get 18 more anyway, because that will mean I've made it to at least 36 weeks!!!!

Tomorrow we have an ultrasound. I'm 17 weeks and its just a routine monthly u/s with the peri but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that the tech is willing and able to tell us what these little ones are! If she can't or won't tell, we'll just have to wait the extra 3 weeks until the big anatomy scan. I guess I can wait 3 more weeks...if I have to. Its funny that I'm so very impatient with finding out genders this time around considering we didn't find out with Baby Bug and if this had been only one baby we wouldn't be finding out. I think its that once I knew we'd find out prior to their "birth-day" I just wanted to know right then. And also because these will most likely be our last babies so I'm really excited to know what our "final family" will consist of. Will I have 3 boys like each of my siblings do? Will I have 2 boys and a girl? Or probably the least likely (in my mind anyway), 1 boy and 2 girls? Only God knows right now...but I'm hoping He lets us in on the secret oh say...tomorrow?!?! ;) I'll be sure to pop back on and let everyone know if we do find out!!