And we're back to reality

So, first things first. Christmas was great. Christmas Eve we finished up our last minute shopping (just in time-the one store was locking the doors as we were checking out!)...then headed over to the in-laws to spend some time with Kelly's parents and his grandma who was in town for the holiday. Had dinner there and then we were off to Christmas Eve mass. Afterwards, we drove out to see a local guy's huge Christmas light display, timed to music and everything. Interesting....not sit in front of this guy's house for a half hour with 5 full grown people in the car like we did interesting...but whatever, neither of us were the driver so we didn't have much control...and it entertained Kelly's grandma (which I think was the point?).
Christmas Day, we slept in (ahhhh), listened to Christmas music while we opened our stockings and gifts to each other and had a leisurely Christmas breakfast. The morning was wonderful...exactly what I was hoping for :) Then we headed outside to give the heifers their "Christmas meal" (same as everyday, but they're cattle, they don't know the difference, haha) and came in, got cleaned up, gathered our gifts and headed over to the in-laws. OH...but not before shutting the furnace off b/c the fan kept kicking on and off every 30 seconds or so, plus it smelled funny and we were a little concerned about whether our house would still be standing when we returned home if we had left it on. For the first time EVER, we were not the last ones to arrive at the in-laws for Christmas day. Kelly's sister having a baby worked to our advantage that way, as obviously the baby slowed down their traveling time a bit. We had a nice day over there...opened presents, had dinner, etc. We got some great stuff, even a few baby items, which was really fun :) The rest of the weekend was mostly spent on misc. things around the house and farm, along with some relaxing thrown in...and a trip to Columbus on Saturday to pick up the two antique dressers I had bought on e-bay (one for our room and one for the baby's room as a dresser/changing table) and go to Babies R Us to register. Oh my. Talk about exhausting. Too many decisions/choices in one day. But we got it all done, thankfully and even treated ourselves to dinner at Olive Garden :) All in all, an enjoyable Christmas and long weekend.

So...remember how we shut our furnace off on Christmas day b/c it was acting funny? Well, luckily, when we moved in 3 years ago, we installed a wood burner that hooks right into the ductwork, as a sort of supplemental heat. So we had been using that to keep our house warm and cozy while our furnace was off. Tuesday morning was the soonest somebody could come out...and guess what they told us when they did come out. Our furnace (which granted, was probably 20-30 years old) is shot. Oh joy. So now we get to buy a new furnace! Fun stuff. On the upside, we'd been wanting to put in a high-efficiency furnace, as I'm sure we are essentially throwing money out the window with the old one we have...but still. We weren't really planning on shelling out thousands of dollars at the moment. So now we have the fun task of getting estimates and then of course finding the extra $$ to get this thing installed.

And for added fun, I've noticed some extreme sensitivity-not quite pain persay-in one tooth. I keep hoping it'll go away, but its been there since Monday, not constant, usually just when I'm outside in the cold, or when I do something like I did this morning, flip my head down while doing my hair, any sort of quick jolt gets me a feeling of, um, that's not right. It doesn't hurt to touch or anything, or when I brush my teeth, or even when I eat anything, its just this weird sensitivity. I'm debating on whether its worthy of a call to the dentist. I'm just paranoid its something major...and um...how do you do major dental work to a woman who's 6 months pregnant? That makes me a bit nervous. Oh, did I mention Kelly's glasses broke the other day too? Yep, he super-glued them back together b/c he hates wearing his contacts. So new glasses are apparently going to need to be in the budget soon too.

Like I said...back to reality.

Happy New Year! :)

Merry Christmas!!

Just a quickie to say I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, where ever you are and whatever you may be doing.

I'm getting off of work early today, probably picking up the last two gifts with Kelly (yep, when you wait on your husband for ideas, you end up shopping on Christmas Eve) and then we'll be off to Christmas Eve mass. Tomorrow will be our Christmas just the two of us in the morning, then feeding all the cattle as quickly as we can and off to the in-laws for Christmas with them in the afternoon. I'm sure it will be a bit of a whirlwind, it always is...good thing I have Friday off!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Family Fun

Christmas #1, done and successful! We went up to my parents' house on Friday night for our family Christmas, it was such a fun weekend. We started out by surprising my parents. They weren't expecting us until Saturday, but we called them about 10:00 Friday night to say we were about an hour and a half away. We knew we'd probably come up Friday night, but didn't want to get anyone's hopes up in case something came up (as it so often does). It was a great way to start the weekend! My sister, her husband and their 3 boys were already there too, so we got to spend some time with the boys on Saturday morning before the real chaos began. My brother, his wife and their two boys came Saturday afternoon, as did our grandma and uncle. Once everyone was there, it became pretty chaotic, but with 5 boys between the age of 3 and 8, I guess you'll have that, right? Speaking of the boys...come May, there'll be at least one more! My sister-in-law, due in May, is having another boy! That makes six nephews! WOW!

Anyway, the rest of the day was great...everybody seemed like they had a really good time. Remember how I was worried about the possibility of tension or someone snapping at someone else? All for nothing, because it all went really well. I am SO happy. It was really fun and I am so glad we could all get together this Christmas.

And bonus...we got some really great gifts too. I think my favorite was actually a gift for the baby from my parents. Its this super soft stuffed lamb that you attach to the crib, or set nearby, and it will play one of four sounds, mother's heartbeat, waves, and two other things that I can't remember right now. It has a little timer so it can play for like 25 or 45 minutes, to help your little one fall asleep. My sister's boys each have something similar, only theirs are little aquariums with "fishies" in them and they all love theirs...so I was planning on getting something like this for my baby too. But this stuffed lamb is even better than anything I'd seen. And now that we are actually getting things for the baby, I'm getting even MORE excited to get everything set up in his/her room. I was brainstorming and daydreaming on our way home on Sunday about the baby's room...so I have lots of good ideas now! :)

Now we're halfway through the workweek, which is great and I'm looking forward to the four-day weekend and Christmas #2 (Kelly and me) and Christmas #3 ( the in-laws). I'm hoping I can shake this sore throat and congestion that appeared last night out of nowhere before Christmas....we'll see. Its not much fun, I'll tell you that much.

Oh, and dry cows are coming today. So begins the busy winter season. Its always something!

Bittersweet Christmas

Today is December 17th. I know that date doesn't mean anything to most people. But to me, it will always have significance. Today is the day our first baby would have been due. That baby never had a name, we used to call him (I was convinced it was a boy) whatever "fruit" he was the size of each week. The last name we had for him was Blueberry...so in my mind, that has sort of stuck. Blueberry would have been born this week. Or maybe he would already be here. We would have an extra stocking hung for him. I probably wouldn't be baking cookies this week because I'd either be uncomfortably pregnant or I'd have a newborn taking up all my time. I'd probably be on maternity leave, or close to it. My family would be coming to us because we'd have a newborn, rather than us going up there this weekend. We'd have TWO babies at my in-laws on Christmas day, our niece and our own little one. We'd be having our first Christmas as a family of three. But Blueberry is having his first Christmas in heaven. And we are having Christmas as a family of two. And that's okay. It is. Because next Christmas, God willing, we'll have an 8 month old baby. I am THRILLED that I am 24 weeks pregnant today. I would not trade this baby inside of me for anything. I don't want anyone to think, for even one minute, that I am anything but so incredibly grateful for this life, this absolute miracle, that I have inside me. But at the same time, the thought keeps occurring to me...we could have had a baby already for this Christmas. I find myself wanting to include Wigglie (our baby) in Christmas...I want to acknowledge that we are almost a family of 3. And I don't know if that is out of a desire to sort of "make up" for the fact that at one point we thought we'd have an "outside baby" this Christmas...or if its just truly out of my excitement that Wigglie will be a part of our family soon. I like to think its just out of pure excitement, and impatience for NEXT Christmas, when we will have a little one crawling around, playing with wrapping paper, watching the lights. But when I'm honest with myself I know its partly because I have this little feeling that something is missing this Christmas. This holiday season is much less painful than I expected it to be. And I know that is all thanks to Wigglie, who is growing strong, kicking momma everyday and who we love with ALL our hearts. I'm enjoying Christmas, the season that I have always loved...its just a little bittersweet this year.

Stuck in the middle

So I just got off the phone with my brother. And for the millionth time in the past 10-12 years or so, I feel like I'm stuck in the middle. Quick backstory, and I'll try not to go into too much detail b/c its a long and complicated situation and I know you don't want to be reading all day. Basically, my brother and his wife have gone through at least three periods of not speaking with my parents and my sister and her husband. At some point its been at least partly the fault of each of the 6 people involved. Its practically impossible to determine why exactly things fell apart between them all originally or even why they seem to now have greatly improved. To sort of sum it up, at its worst, I used to have to make separate plans of my own to visit my brother's family at holidays...even though they live only 10 minutes from my parents, they wouldn't speak to each other let alone be in the same room. I even had to take pictures of my youngest nephew and e-mail them to my mother so that she could see her grandchild for the first time. It just has been a bad situation. And somehow through it all, I have been like Switzerland...the neutral party. Which is good, in that, I have never had to be without any member of my family in my life...but hard in that, both sides of the situation feel like I am a safe person to vent to about the other side. Now, for the past 2 years or so, everyone has been getting along pretty well. Really well, actually. And I have been thrilled. We can have entire family get-togethers. I haven't had to hear any complaints (or at least not many) from one side about the other side. I have been hopeful that maybe, just maybe, we could put all the fighting, not speaking, and tension behind us and be oh, I don't know, a regular family? And now we get to today. This weekend we are having our family Christmas. I have been SO excited about this because last year we didn't get the entire family together for Christmas (no bad reason, schedules just didn't work out), and I am just so looking forward to everybody being together, giving gifts, enjoying the Christmas spirit and enjoying time together. But tonight, my brother calls me to find out when we are driving up there. Apparently my mom won't "schedule" anything b/c they don't know when we are coming (doesn't matter that I told them we'd be there by lunch on Saturday at the latest). So I explained to him when we'd likely be there and we could probably do the "official" get together in the early afternoon. I probably sounded a little frustrated, due to the whole getting a guilt trip on not spending enough time up there from my parents (balancing family and the farm...a story for a whole other post). Well, that let loose the 'vents' from my brother. How mom never feeds them when they're over there (in her defense, J, my brother's oldest is the pickiest eater known to man...in my brother's defense though, why would your mother not offer you any food when you're there at dinnertime?). How my brother's wife even brought a loaf of some sort of quickbread over last time, and mom promptly put it in the kitchen and didn't open it. (what? that is sort of weird I have to admit). How every year at Christmas, my sister's boys open all their presents from our parents before my brother's family even gets there. How he knows, and he's afraid that soon J will figure it out too, that its because mom and dad get my sister's boys more stuff than they get my brother's boys. And unfortunately, this is probably true...they have a tendency to favor my sister's boys...but in their defense, my sister and her boys have been consistent in my parents lives...my brother and his family has not. However, now that my brother is "back in the picture"...favoritism between the grandkids should not be happening. But here's my thing. This is where I'm "stuck in the middle". I know all this now. I know my brother is obviously frustrated by all of this. I see his point, I understand his frustration. And now I worry. I worry that this is the beginning of the end. That something is going to snap in the delicate threads that are holding the family together. I want to make my parents realize that they are still acting like their son and their daughters are different....like they favor us over him...that my brother is not stupid and he sees this, that my nephew is not stupid and he is going to see it soon enough, that walking on eggshells around them, even after 2 years of getting along, is not HELPING ANYTHING. If anything, it is making things harder...its reminding everyone that no, things aren't quite "right"...we are all still terrified that everything is going to fall apart, and in my opinion, makes things even more likely to fall apart. They need to treat us all equally, forgive past "sins", let the past GO. But here's where it gets even stickier. I can't tell anyone in my family any of this. I can't tell my parents any of those things, I can't even tell my sister and try to get her help in maybe hinting or somehow getting my parents to realize they need to be more "equal". My sister holds grudges and will take any chance she gets to criticize my brother, so I can't talk to her. My dad is stubborn (like my sister) and I think he still has a sort of "wall" up when it comes to my brother. And my mom is stressed because of Christmas and easily upset...so bringing it up to her would definitely only make things worse. So now I feel like I am stuck with this information. I am so afraid that these are the beginnings of the "straw that broke the camel's back" and feel like I should DO something to fix/prevent it. But what? And how? And maybe my brother was just venting and I should just not worry about it. Maybe its no big deal. I am sure the pregnancy hormones are not helping in this situation. I just feel stuck. Like I know something bad could be coming...but I can't prevent it, b/c if I try to, I might just make things worse. Stuck in the middle. Again. Because I didn't have enough weighing on my mind and my heart this week. Tomorrow is the due date of our first baby. Again, a topic for a whole other post. And this one is long enough. If you've read this long, thanks. I guess all I'm asking for prayers that my family can stick together...and maybe advice, if anybody has it. Because I'm just stuck on this one. :(

Being the grown-ups

So I had a realization this morning. I got up early so I could get some bills paid before I went to work, and as we were sitting there talking about which bills to pay and which ones to wait until our next grain check, I realized it. WE are the grown-ups. We are the ones that have to deal with bills, house issues, vehicles, organizing LIFE, and just making sure that our children never have to worry about all these things. I thought back to when I was a kid. I don't recall a time where I ever worried about money, bills, etc. It just worked, everything just fell into place. And I never heard my parents talking about that stuff, much less worrying about it. I mean, sure I remember my mom sitting at the kitchen table balancing the checkbook...but beyond that, there was no thought of "how do these things get taken care of? how do we always have food in our pantry, lights that turn on, heat in our home, cars to get us here and there, etc, etc." I just knew it was taken care of. This is what I want for my child, isn't that what every parent wants? But for some reason it just hit me this morning. It won't just happen. We have to make it happen. We are the grown-ups, and we are going to be completely responsible for giving this child the best life possible. Holy crap.

Ultrasound pictures

Only about 3 weeks late...not so bad, right?? Ha ha! Thanks to Christina for the suggestion of taking a picture of the pictures in order to get them onto my computer. Otherwise I never would have gotten them on here!

All three pictures are in 3-d, a profile of the head and shoulders. Baby really likes his/her hand and you can see a hand in front of the mouth in each picture. Hmmm...perhaps we have a future thumb sucker on our hands? :) Even in the 11 week ultrasound, the baby was doing the same thing...kept sticking a hand in front of his/her face. Too cute.

I've been feeling more and more movement on a daily basis now. I usually get a couple good morning kicks when I first wake up, before even getting out of bed. Then baby gets a nice little workout just about everyday after lunch, and again in the evening. Then of course the ocassional kick here and there. On Friday I actually spent about 5 minutes during a dreadfully boring meeting just watching my belly move from the kicks. It wasn't enough for anyone else to notice, I don't think, but it was quite entertaining to me :) Hmm...someone must know I'm talking about them...there's a few more kicks! I love it!!!

Home!

I've been slacking on the blogging lately, too much running going on! Saturday afternoon we headed up to my parents' for a brief visit (we're talking about 2 hrs actually spent with the family) and my 10 year highschool reunion. 10 years. How is that even possible?! In one way it seems like highschool was forever ago, but at the same time it seems like there is no way I can be old enough to be attending a 10 year reunion! I had mixed feelings about going, but I'm really glad I did. I wasn't sure about it because, honestly, I didn't have a lot in common with most of the people I went to highschool with. I went to a Catholic school, that drew people from about a 3 county area, most of which lived in what I considered "the city" (but was probably more like suburbs really) and we just weren't into the same things. I was one of 4 or 5 people in a school of about 800 that was in 4-H, and as that pretty much defined my life for the 11 years I was in it-it just wasn't very easy to find common ground with a lot of my fellow students. I had a few close friends, don't get me wrong, but unfortunately, I lost touch with most of them after graduation. You know, you go to college, and get all caught up in the fun and excitement of the independence, the new friends, etc. So I pretty much RSVPed to this 10 year reunion with the hope of seeing those select few people that I'd unintentionally lost touch with. I knew at least that a few people I'd stayed close with would be there, so I knew it wouldn't be a total bust. Turns out...it was pretty fun! I saw a bunch of people that I'd actually forgotten all about, but it was great to catch up with them! Some of the people I wanted to see where there, others weren't (one that I really wanted to see is currently serving in Iraq, yikes-adding him to my prayer list for sure)...but all in all it was a fun time. It amazes me how everyone looks so much...the same! 10 years later, there were only one or two people that I had to look at twice to figure out who they were. The names, the memories, the friendships you had, they just all sort of come rushing back. Pretty cool. One of my friends even convinced me to join facebook...and I'm glad about that, I'm hoping I can keep in touch with the people I just "re-discovered" that way. Just goes to show I guess...sometimes its good to sort of "re-visit" the past.

Since the reunion, I've still been just going, going, going. We came home early Sunday so that we could ship off about 30 heifers (sold to a dairy in Missouri) and I was able to do a little bit of Christmas decorating and laundry. Then Monday morning I flew to Denver for work...didn't get home until Wednesday night. But now I'm HOME...and the big bonus is, no more traveling for work until well after the baby is born. Yay! For a homebody like me...that is great news!

Though with only 20 days until Christmas...I don't see life slowing down anytime soon! But its all fun stuff...decorating, sending cards, Christmas shopping, baking cookies....topped off with some good quality family time. Merry Christmas!