"I'll just do it myself!"

Everyone's been telling me, since we found out we were having twins, that they hope we have a lot of help in the beginning. And we do, we're lucky that way...we have Kelly's parents only 20 minutes away, and my parents are 4 hrs away but they are self-employed/retired so they can come as often as we need. And thankfully, the time of year that these babies are arriving is a 'quieter' time, farming wise, so Kelly should be able to be around quite a bit for the first few weeks (until he starts planting and then we won't see him at all for a while). The problem is...I can't let go. I'm one of those people who can't let other people do things because I know they'll do it wrong. "Wrong" in my opinion anyway, and I have so many strange quirks about the way things in my house should be done that its pretty easy for someone else to get it wrong. So I just do it all myself. Luckily, my dear husband has lived with me long enough, and knows me well enough that he does most things "right" and the things that he does his own way, somehow I'm okay with. My mom and my mother in law both want to help. Right now, I'm keeping up well enough, but I have been focusing most of my time on just getting all the farm paperwork done and organized so that its fairly easy for me to keep up with after the babies arrive. So I admit, my house is less than perfect right now...but not awful, in my opinion. My parents came to "help" a few weeks ago and we did get some stuff done, but for the most part, their being here stressed me out more than it helped me. I have a hard time having "guests" and not catering to them myself. And in the last week or two, my mother in law has been calling repeatedly asking what she can do to help and when she can come over to clean and whatnot. I could only tell her "we're fine, honest" for so long and I finally thought, well, if she comes on a Saturday she can play with the Bug so that he has some play time while I can rest and she can just do a few things, like vacuuming upstairs (since I can't really haul the vacuum up the stairs right now). And much like when my parents were here...it was a much more stressful day than the relaxation it was supposed to provide. I found myself worrying about what she was getting into (she has a tendency to make things into a much bigger project than they need to be, and also to just DO things that we really don't want or need done). And by the way, my upstairs didn't get vacuumed either. And she tried to feed the Bug whole grapes. Thankfully I was standing right there, and scooped them out of the bowl as soon as she put them in and explained that they needed to be cut because he could choke on them...but it scared me that she would give him that. And now I'm nervous about leaving him with them when I am in the hospital having the babies. I know (or I thought) that she knows better than to give a not even 2 year old WHOLE grapes...and Kelly's theory (and its probably correct) is that she was just at his sister's house last weekend with her 2 year old and knowing Kelly's sister, she probably does give her daughter whole grapes and his mom probably just got used to that...but there are a LOT of parenting things that his sister does that we don't, and this is not the first time that we've had to try to explain that we don't do things the way she does. I admit, I'm a lot more cautious, and probably slightly overprotective, than a lot of parents...but I am a worrier, and I certainly can't leave my child with someone that doesn't/won't respect the way we do things, and ESPECIALLY things related to safety. So now, add one more thing to my list of items I'm stressing about...the fact that we have to leave Bug with them while we're in the hospital. :( I think I will have to remind them before then about the food rules related to safety. And yes, I'll come across as the paranoid, controlling daughter in law...but its worth the peace of mind. Its okay, I've learned in the past few months how to just say no instead of saying "okay" just to appease people. And I'm sure that I'm coming across a lot more harsh than I used to, but I tend to feel better when I'm not just making sure everyone else is happy even if I'm not. So I think I've determined two things...one, I don't think "help" is really going to HELP me right now, as it causes more stress and extra stress is the last thing I need right now. So I'm just going to go back to the "no really, we're FINE!", at least until the babies are born. And two, when the babies are here, I will have to either learn to let go or learn to be very very specific in what kind of help I want and need. Or learn very quickly how to manage it all myself. Yikes.

32 Weeks

Ok, so I've been off work for like 3 weeks now and you'd think I'd have plenty of time to blog...but somehow I feel like I have less time! Yep, my doctor wrote me out of work at the beginning of the year. He technically prescribed "bedrest" but clarified that basically a few hours of laying down in the morning and a few hours in the afternoon would be good enough, and to just keep listening to my body. And I can generally tell when I'm doing too much. Bug is still going to the sitter during the week, which is a huge help. On weekends Kelly tries to get his work done as quickly as possible so that he can be inside and help me, and Bug is getting used to the fact that Momma can't be on the floor playing with him all the time. He still gets a little frustrated when he wants me to pick him up or something, and of course the house is a disaster on the weekends because I normally would pick up toys during his naptime but instead I lay down too. But its going okay...I know I push myself more than I should sometimes but its hard when your husband has to work 7 days a week. I'm at 32 weeks now though...hard to believe...and getting more and more nervous that maybe these babies will come even earlier than their big brother did. Both babies are breech right now, and I honestly don't think they'll flip back. Baby Boy has been breech from the beginning so I hightly doubt he'll flip. I suppose Baby Girl could, but I kind of doubt that too. They both seem happy the way they are :) So I'm probably looking at a c-section (yes, I know they could both still flip but like I said...my mother's inuition says they won't). Any tips/advice if you'd have a c-section before? I'm a little nervous about it, just because I've never had any kind of surgery and I'm a little worried about the recovery and all too. How painful is it really? My recovery last time was SO easy (helps when your baby is under 6 lbs) so I'm afraid I got a little spoiled!

In other news...Bug is growing, he's 22 months , almost 23 months now. So close to 2 and you can tell it some days! But for the most part he is a blast. He's our little supervisor...always showing us where things go and how to do things, its hilarious. He is always surprising us with new words, but he likes to point at things to get his point across most of the time. He knows it works! I'm not worried, I know my nephews did the same thing. He knows more words than he uses, that I'm sure of. He still amazes me on a daily basis with how smart he is. Love that boy. Oh, and he loves to give kisses and hugs right now, to us and to his stuffed animals. Too cute. I wonder if he'll be kissing on the babies a lot too. He randomly kisses my belly now when we talk about the babies. I still don't think he "gets" the whole baby thing though. We'll see what he does when they actually arrive.

Farmwise, I'm almost done with the 2010 books (yay!) which will be a huge load off my shoulders. That's why I haven't been able to blog at all because I've been SO worried about getting the books done before these babies arrive!! But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...in the next week I should be completely done and even up to date and organized for 2011 to be relatively easy to handle between baby juggling. Then I can maybe just relax before the chaos begins. We're trying to figure out just how the farm being our sole income will work...still a little nervous about that, but we should continue to have my income for a few months from now so that will help.

Ok, its about time to go pick up my little guy.

I almost forgot! I got a new camera for Christmas! Its a lot fancier than any I've had before

and I still have a lot to learn about it, but its really nice. I think my hubby is finally catching on to how to do this whole Christmas thing ;) So I DO have pictures that are more recent than this one...but some are still on the camera and the rest are on our new computer (another Christmas gift) which of course is not the one I'm on right now. Oh yeah, we can now be THAT couple...each one of us on a laptop in the same room in the evening. Haha! We rarely are though. Bug just likes the new computer because it has a big screen and is fast, so we watch tractor and combine videos on it. Everytime we get it out, he comes running over because he wants to watch a video.

Hope everyone is having a great new year!