We have a heartbeat!!

It was THE most amazing thing I have ever seen. Our little tiny baby (who looks like a little bean at this point) and his/her tiny little flickering heartbeat. Ok, so I didn't actually recognize the flicker...Kelly said he did, but I don't know if he was just saying that. But the tech for sure DID see it...and she gave us a little printout to show it...and said it is 160 bpm. Which she said is good. She said everything looks good and normal! When she said there was a heartbeat, I just couldn't hold the tears back anymore. I got a lump in my throat when she first started looking...I was so scared...I could feel my heart beating a million miles a minute....and then she said "There's a heartbeat" and the amount of relief that flooded over me was just immense. We had the same U/S tech that we did when we confirmed our m/c...so she understood the amount of relief we had...and joy. She is so sweet. She said "I am SO happy for you guys."...and when I was crying, she said "Those are tears of joy." Oh yeah....SO MUCH JOY. I get teary just thinking about it now!

And to top it off....we get to tell our parents tonight!! I'm so excited to share our wonderful, amazing news with them! Mom and Dad should be at my house when I get home from work...and then we are going to Kelly's parents for dinner (they invited us, so I don't think anyone will suspect anything). I am hiding their 'gifts' in my purse...and will give them to each mom at dinner. They are "photo books" that will fit in their purses...and they can put pics of the baby in them (and their other grandkids)...and they each have a poem inside that is "from the baby". My mom's says "Great moms get promoted to Grandma" and his mom's says "Good times, Grandkids". I can't wait to give them to them! Oh!! And since we got printouts of our ultrasound yesterday...I made copies of them and put their very first pictures of the baby in there!!

I love this baby more and more everyday :) We are so incredibly blessed.

Today is the day!

Its here! The day we get to see our little one. I am so unbelievably nervous. I have no reason to think anything bad...other than the fact that the last time I had an ultrasound it was to confirm a m/c. I pray to God that we see a strong heartbeat today and that everything is measuring on time.

Hello morning sickness

6 weeks, 4 days. This is the part where I get really nervous...b/c this is when the spotting started last time. So far so good on this one though. Overall, this pregnancy has been so different from the first one. I actually have symptoms this time around! Which is quite reassuring...even if I do feel like I could puke at any moment. Yep, the m/s kicked in at 5 weeks on the dot with some on and off nausea/queasiness. That was not so bad. I was so happy to have something to make me feel like baby is okay in there, that I actually welcomed that. And a bit of queasiness is really not so bad. Today we seem to be crossing into the next "stage" of the morning sickness.....the part where I actually feel like I could puke. I'm hoping I can just hold steady at this stage until the m/s as a whole disappears but we'll see. I'm really not looking forward to the idea of actually being sick....lets not think about that right now. Ugh.

This weekend we went camping with some friends, which was great! It was nice to get away and take my focus off of the whole pregnancy thing and just spend time having fun with friends. We went out on our friends' boat, which I was a little nervous about. I was afraid it would make my nausea worse, but believe it or not, I actually felt BETTER when I was on the boat?! Kind of strange, but it was okay with me. It was so relaxing and really fun. I'm certain that all our friends know something is up, since I was just about the only one not drinking. But the great thing about this particular group of friends (Kelly's college roommates and their wives) is that nobody says a thing when someone else is not drinking. Sure everybody knows the probable reason, but nobody asks. Last summer when we had this get-together (it is an annual thing, a sort of "college reunion") there was another girl who wasn't drinking...people noticed, but nobody said anything. This year, she and her husband brought their 4 month old baby girl with them. :) I'm hoping we will be able to do the same for the next reunion! I'm hoping that we, and another couple in the group who just did IVF...will both be able to bring our little ones to next year's get together!! I don't think we could ask for much better than that!

5 weeks!

5 weeks down...35 weeks to go! So the reality of being pregnant again has sunk in and I am SO excited! The first few days I was really really nervous and not really letting myself get too excited or plan too much. But I realized that you know what, there is no point to that. Because I was still getting so unbelievably attached to this baby anyway. And this baby deserves that...he or she deserves my total excitement and love. And being scared and putting up walls to try to avoid the pain we had when we lost our first pregnancy is not helping anything. So I changed my attitude and decided that I am going to be positive about this pregnancy. We WILL have a baby in April (well, maybe March if the little bugger decides to come early!). We are absolutely thrilled...and yes, we are still both nervous...I still have my moments of fear and concern (which I'm sure I will have for this little one for the rest of my life! welcome to life as a mom, right?) but overall I am very optimistic about this pregnancy.

I did go in to the doctor's office for bloodwork and an appt with the nurse last Friday. Which went great. The nurse was so sweet and understanding of my concern and even let me schedule an ultrasound for my first appointment!!! Usually you don't get an U/S on your first appt at my doctor's office...but since she knew I was so worried, I get one early. YAY! So in 2 weeks from today we will get to see our little one...I'll be exactly 7 weeks which should be far enough to see a heartbeat. I am so excited and the next 2 weeks cannot go fast enough!!! I think that seeing a heartbeat will do wonders for my stress level, I really think we'll feel a lot more confident once we see it.

In the meantime, stay safe in there and keep growing little one!!! :)